Bitch -- Angry and Frustrated.

I really love language. It is really a great tool. I find it such a shame that I'm told to dumb down my language so people can half understand what I'm saying. It is so frustrating. I don't go out of my way to be difficult but I choose my words carefully. Mostly for their meaning but sometimes just their sound. To be fair this blog isn't really about the sadness of the depleting vocabulary of society. I'm frustrated and angry. I am furious.

I'm not really furious at anything just frustrated at the world. Could be hormones or stress or whatever. Really though. I just want to rant and rave at someone or something. Give me an excuse, say somethings stupid I dare you. I mean I've been wanting to write about space, about understanding, concepts and how difficult understanding can be but fuck! Just you know grrr. It's my birthday this week. I normally like to make it one day a year rather special. This year I'm not really doing anything about it.

It's weird cause in the past I've made it quite important to me, this year however, I'm not. I have a few suspicions why most of them I don't like though. Maybe I'm just growing up, although I don't think so. I'm scattered tonight guys... can you tell? I know I'm overly tired it's probably whats getting to me more than anything. Today I cannot face the things I need to face tomorrow. Yet I have learnt that despite all things the world keeps spinning and tomorrow will come. I will face what I have to tomorrow but today. Today I am angry and frustrated and in needing of a strong drink.

Goodnight

Yeild Points -- Stress

So I think recently I have, for nearly the first time in my life been aware of stress in myself. Aware of the worry and the concerns and I believe not just have I been aware of it but also the effect it was having on me and the way I was seeing the world a reacting to people. I think I also have noticed my ability to stay decidedly calm, for the most part. I think I'm dealing with it quite well. It is not something I have ever really thought about, stress and its effect I mean. That is not to say I haven't encountered stress.

In the past I've never been aware as I am now. I also doubt whether I have been under this kind of stress before. I may have mostly just cant recall. That is not to say it is unbearable amount. I'm not even saying I am overly stressed, just that I am stressed and think I'm dealing with it fairly well. Managing stress I imagine becomes a bigger and bigger part of our worlds. Mounting debts of houses and cars, bills for food, electricity and all that just to start and then you have your job and/or uni and/or family commitments and/or friend commitments. Each of these is another thing that can cause concern and worry. Even not overly involved in things I think it must be hard for some people to maintain the distance needed to stay healthy.

There are many things that we worry over yet we have little or no control over. If you look at the above list though people are so very capable. We are stressed but we manage all of those things all the time. It is only on occasion that it seems to or threatens to overwhelm. People should take a great encouragement in that. You are so capable and after all, full of potentials. Stress does do strange things to people however. We lose sight of the important things behind inflated egos and making small things much bigger than they are. Combinations of ego and dark imaginings are no help to anyone.

I'm trying to decide if it is worth settling for a little less in return for feeling a little happier for doing something you want to instead of need to. Unfortunately with time being time it is too often the case of doing one or the other. I think the irony is that stress isn't really real anyway. I mean we experience it however it is something that doesn't really exist except as a perception of how things may or may not be.