Lovers and Friends -- Redifining

Look around, at the people you know. It seems many of them have these wonderful support groups. Surrounded by lovers and people for them, people who trust and are trusted to help and accept. Friends is what I figure they are. Not so sure if that is correct anymore. People still have these groups around them, people who trust, love, support and sustain. But is that what a friend is?

They say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. I ask these questions from a place of sadness. There is no anger in the passing of a lover. Such things happen but mourning at the loss of something that was always so wonderful and ever present. We each make our choices and there is no prize for self sacrifice. What would be left to love if it has all been sacrificed unto the alter of others?

People do things they think are right, or at least ok. It is hindsight providing the insight into err. How much damage can you do before things don't heal. Can you forgive the blunder. When the bandage is moved with it still pump red to the soil enriching the dirt with your essence. Are all men born equal or are some more equal than others?

Help and hinder -- Sinking, Swimming, Standing, Falling.

It is important to help people stand. Stand on their own two feet, proud and strong human beings. Musing on the importance of helping people and the balance between empowering and uplifting and the unhelpful doing things for them, essentially 'weakening' leading to dependence. How much can one do for a friend before they need to stand unaided? How much can I ask of my friends without crippling my own abilities? Yet certainly there is a difference between this and constant and unrelenting criticism. How important is it for me to know that I have disappointed you when it is entirely likely I have disappointed myself so very much more. Which one hurts more keenly? When a kid falls do you offer your hand to help them up or do you stand on their back pushing them back down?

Equally, surely it is important to be able to hear when you are being uplifted and not just the criticism (even if they are constructive). It has been said that it takes three times as many good words to have the same effect of one bad one. It is also very important to be sure in yourself of when you have done something right and good in the world. To be OK with it being just that and not having the world point and sing your praises. If only I could tell myself this ten years ago and hear. If only I could hear it now!

I hope that I never stop growing and that as time stretches out and onward I become more at peace with who I am and what I do. This however needs to be tempered with a healthy ambition and desire to be a working member of society, to do my bit, to work hard at my job and not just being a good person. These things can be hand in hand. Both personal and professional development in practise. They are not mutually exclusive possibilities they will work together. These things seem not to be taught but are learnt. For all the sense that statement makes. Still time to drink away the disappointment and drink to celebrate the good times. Till I see you again.

Hopeful - Looking here and now and forward

Organised  belief systems absolve responsibility. That's it, it has been said. One of the big unrealised issues with belief and my problem with religions. "I failed this, got fired by blah or was mean to this person because God/Zeus/Cat/Caboose wanted it this way". That is so not OK. You failed/fired cause you didn't do the work. You were mean because you were projecting your ideals and ideas onto someone else or you straight up just don't care enough to let them be them. As time goes by empirical thinking has been harder to ignore, it provides a foundation to learn so much. Reconcile that you don't know everything or rather nearly anything, you know what you know however and that is also such a vast amount. How to communicate, language and social behaviour then there is everything that you have learnt over time from school and family and friends! The sheer knowledge we have gained is astounding and yet there is always more. Is that not wonderful?

This blog has been inspired by uni exams and the fact that Prof. Brian Cox is on the radio and I happen to be on the train. For those who aren't familiar with Brian Cox he is a exceptionally clever man with a couple doctorates specialising in particle physics and astrophysics. He was also in a moderately famous pop band. "Thingggssss, can only get betterrrr..." Yeah that one. Just there is so much hope for humanity if just we could step outside ourselves for a bit. There are so many wonders that inspire. We can't ignore politics, whether US or Australian and pop culture is exceptionally prevalent it is inescapable but at the same time these things are inspiring in many ways. Except Nicki Minaj, she still is is disgrace to all things art.

So with only 1 important exam left after today and a bludge one after that what am I looking to do with my time. See and spend time with friends gathering experiences and learning. I'm gonna make some youtube videos again, although probably not vlog type ones, make some music, continue with piano and guitar. Work as well. Set some things right.

Lets see how that goes hey!

Writers block and Wrecking Balls -- Not advice, or quote, or wise.

I think this is about the third time I've opened this up now and still don't really have anything new. They say there is nothing new under the sun but after a massive six months of this I'd be concerned if I was repeating myself without any changes, without any growth.

The thing is people still come and go from lives drifting in and out. People still disappoint and let you down, surprise you and if they're good build you up. Uni is a challenge which one should work harder at and I'm not as fit as I could be. Want to practice more of those instruments and continue to try new things and get back into those things I no longer have been able to make time for.

I have over the last six months always wanted to write about all those quotes and wisdom statements you see on the internet and Facebook. So many people comment on them and like them. Yet I've found often if I spend 30 seconds looking at it, the quote is a poor one. In fact it will generally be a hopelessly romanticized way to see the world. It does not work and can not work. We all subscribe to this wonderfulness and really its not wonderful, its despairing. That is not to say there are no good quotes, no good wisdom statements, no good observations on the human reality. On contra ire they're just not popular (on the whole).

I think one of the most touted pieces of advice is, 'be yourself'. I honestly have no idea what that means. Does it mean I should do what I think I should do, because that is what I'm already doing. Or does it mean I should do what I feel is right regardless of the rules and standards around me, but that is really dangerous. What if I believe in culling the stupid?! Now I'm not suggesting all advice and wisdom has to be universal. Just well thought out. Just because someone likes a sentiment doesn't mean it is a useful or helpful sentiment. Often it is just a reflection of a place we used to be in. An example of a connection to a past which no longer exists.

So next time you see a 30 great quotes web page or someone posts something on Facebook, look at them and wonder to yourself does it mean anything? does it help me now? In the end that's what you need it for and maybe it would be nice to reflect on how nice it would be if things could be that simple.

This Could Get Messy -- God and Living

I'm really appreciating how young I am instead of feeling like an old bastard (damn you uni). I look at my life and I SO don't have anything together yet. The realisation came however that, that's fine, I'm young. Hell, I look around me and I can't recognise any other people my age who have it together. Not even those whom are married and have kids or are looking to get married and all of that. We all have our things. It is truly amazing. This isn't even a comparison issue either. It doesn't make any difference whether I'm more or less together than you, or him, or her, or them! I think that is my favourite bit. It just stops at, 'I don't have it all together yet'. I don't know if you ever do have it together or perhaps you get it together and lose it again. Honestly none of that matters. I'm fine with not being together now. Some people might say that is living in the moment.

I'm not really sure what living in the moment is. When someone says it I think I know what they are talking about however it is one of those things that so many talk about. People preach the virtues of living in the moment, yet it seems so few do it. Obviously not that great. Or so stupidly difficult that most people can never hope to achieve. I also wonder about the whole YOLO thing, You Only Live Once (or You Obviously Like Owls, thank you Jeph Jacques at Questionable Content). People use it as a justification to do some of the stupidest things. If anything it is a reason to live cautiously.

There are many schools of thought on this. Most of the monotheists believe in some sort of life after death and it will be good, as long as you believe what they tell you to believe. The others more of a reincarnation thing. I mean in each of these you really can do what you like cause they will let you either have another try or you go into the big vast void of paradise. If you are a true atheist however, or refute the concept of after life then you in essence have two options really. It's not really this simple but for ease of concept. You can either go, 'fuck this', eat fuck drink sleep do what you like as long as if fits within that personal code of ethics or live like this is all you ever got and it is your one chance to do something. Generally people slide between the two of those. True atheism the belief in nothing, in nothing but probability and chance scares me. I don't like Karma, people rarely get what they deserve and the monotheistic religions concern me in their exclusivity.

For your information I grew up in a christian household the eldest son of ministers. My folks however are a little unorthodox in their beliefs and that's about all I can tell you about what they believe. I however, am bitter and cynical about churches and the people involved with them. My problem mostly stems from the way they prioritise things according to if I serve church, I am therefore serving God. It is a dangerous way to be. This isn't a conscious thought either. I found that there should be a much greater emphasis on people. Don't go to church or something churchie at the expense of seeing a secular friend. Don't go to a weekly group because that is 'serving God', instead of your friends birthday (yes this did happen). That is where religion has made its greatest mistake I think. The concept that I must put God first and I find God at church or church things or that somehow it is easier to find God there. Particularly for Christianity. This secular idea of God where it is outside of you and your life, so you either do God or you do human, and with the traditional doctrine of original sin you are generally wanting to do things which god does not like, cause you are bad.

I really struggled with that and as such I reject too much. Babies and bathwater you know. Atheism scares the shit out of me and I think the translation and re translation of holy books has been so muddied that true meaning is lost. There are still some truly wonderful and beautiful things in them. The song of Soloman is a fantastic example of erotic literature. I struggle with these things and the champions of their causes. You may read that I like a balance a bit of left and right and I don't think this is any different. The other option is the justification for there being few true believers. Anyway that's a thought for another time this is already really long. I really hope I don't spark some great debate between people or insight too much unfair criticisms of my ideas. They are thoughts ever changing and moving from one moment to the next. I live across all of them and I pick the ones that suit me at the time. I'll talk to you guys soon.

James

Links: Twitter
And something that changed some of the styles of my thinking... God's Debris
P.S. I'm sorry I am not a better writer who is better able to convey and explain ideas which are probably exceptionally confusing.

Learning and Improving -- Compentence or Incompentence?

I'm not sure how we are supposed to take something things. Things happen and then how do we deal with them? What is the next step? What I find more concerning is, 'where I find the answer to that question?'

Do we look to the Internet? Well, maybe for some things but do you think the Internet is the best place for  advice, dating advice or on dealing with that other obscure hypothetical situation that is really happening. Do we look at TV and movies? I sincerely hope people don't look at Hollywood but I would imagine it is a little truer than most of us would care to admit. However in favour of Hollywood it would certainly make life easier to know that one day your prince charming will come or the girl next door will turn out to fall in love with the slightly awkward, smart and you know the drill... Is there redeeming TV? I suppose books might have some answers but I don't think I've really seen lasting self help books. It all sounds well and good but only ever a small amount of it lasts, but you did a lot of reading for seemingly just a small fraction of a change. One sentence different from a book of hundreds of pages that is your life.

However maybe that is how it goes. Maybe it's not all about making changes now about altering my life's course, not dodging the ice burgs rather gently brushing... well maybe that's a bad example. Still small little adjustments one at a time. Does this work? When confronted by something can I kinda go, 'yeah', and stay basically the same just subtly changing; so much so it is hardly noticeable.

My point was mostly that I'm not sure how well this stuff works. I don't know if any of it works if some is better or much really. Where do we get this experience from? I rather like self analysis (in healthy form) however how do you know you're analysing right? This was all sparked by this article I read about whether someone who is truly incompetent can know they are in fact incompetent. It carries on saying how to self evaluate you need to be somewhat competent. So the again how could the incompetent know they are incompetent? In fact it is often shown that people who are incompetent thing they are most defiantly competent. So am I good at knowing how to change myself for the better? Am I a competent human being? Can be a better one? Or am I kidding myself?

I think I'm doing not too bad a job. 

P.S. Article for your perusal, I thought it was interesting.
P.P.S.  Twitter I'm still working on using it.

Yeild Points -- Stress

So I think recently I have, for nearly the first time in my life been aware of stress in myself. Aware of the worry and the concerns and I believe not just have I been aware of it but also the effect it was having on me and the way I was seeing the world a reacting to people. I think I also have noticed my ability to stay decidedly calm, for the most part. I think I'm dealing with it quite well. It is not something I have ever really thought about, stress and its effect I mean. That is not to say I haven't encountered stress.

In the past I've never been aware as I am now. I also doubt whether I have been under this kind of stress before. I may have mostly just cant recall. That is not to say it is unbearable amount. I'm not even saying I am overly stressed, just that I am stressed and think I'm dealing with it fairly well. Managing stress I imagine becomes a bigger and bigger part of our worlds. Mounting debts of houses and cars, bills for food, electricity and all that just to start and then you have your job and/or uni and/or family commitments and/or friend commitments. Each of these is another thing that can cause concern and worry. Even not overly involved in things I think it must be hard for some people to maintain the distance needed to stay healthy.

There are many things that we worry over yet we have little or no control over. If you look at the above list though people are so very capable. We are stressed but we manage all of those things all the time. It is only on occasion that it seems to or threatens to overwhelm. People should take a great encouragement in that. You are so capable and after all, full of potentials. Stress does do strange things to people however. We lose sight of the important things behind inflated egos and making small things much bigger than they are. Combinations of ego and dark imaginings are no help to anyone.

I'm trying to decide if it is worth settling for a little less in return for feeling a little happier for doing something you want to instead of need to. Unfortunately with time being time it is too often the case of doing one or the other. I think the irony is that stress isn't really real anyway. I mean we experience it however it is something that doesn't really exist except as a perception of how things may or may not be.

How things might be -- Stories

This university path that I'm taking is an interesting. New friends and the like but the other day I had an oppotunity to share the last couple years of my story with some guys. They were shocked. They thought it was pretty full on some of the stuff that happened. Despite this, (and it's probably true) I don't think on it as incredibly full on, not now. In reflection some of it wasn't much fun but damn there was a lot of learning to be done. Lots of lessons, lots of growing. Above all, things just keep going. It's one of the reasons I'm always reminded that these things to will pass.

Having said that I don't revel in the oppotunity to share my story as I once did. Not much I can learn from the recount I give. I like to hear theirs, other stories. I like hearing that someone else may have seen what I have that I am connected to them in some distance and convoluted way. I've always been very open about my story though. If someone will ask then I will tell. The story I tell though is just my veiw of it. I will admit it is probably inaccurate, there are many flaws in human memory documented and I am after all just another man.

It has been really interesting going back to uni. There are people all around me younger and older; some even my age. For some of the first years I was working five days a week when they started year eight in high school. Yet others who were working when I was in year eight! I'm really enjoying all the interaction with people. I love being social and it gives me energy. It wont last, there are only so many shallow relationships one can deal with I think but we shall see. There so many ideas, good and bad, opinions right and wrong, and so much pool and beer. Things I like very much.

I'm travelling to Melbourne next week for a concert I'll let you all know about it. Should be a good bit of fun. Going with Dad for music but I can't wait to eat and drink and with those two things going down well I'll be bloody merry!

Talk to you soon.

I know that I don't know -- Knowing

You pay your money, you take your chance. Name of an album by a guy called Bruce Cockburn (co-burn for those snickering). It is not really an overly impacting album, (I do like it howeIver) but more what that title says.

I've picked up a few different statements, seemingly wise ones, that I like to tout or reflect on. This is one is about making your choice and living with it, basically. Another I like is, 'don't ask permission ask for forgiveness'. It is something that could end up getting one in a fair bit of trouble. So take that with a pinch of salt.

See I've had these 'things' recently and you know I'm just not very sure anymore. Not when I'm honest. Don't get me wrong speak to me and I think I have the right of everything but really at heart I don't know and know I don't... know, you knoe? I'm OK with this. I understand that most of the things I do is guess work and I'm wondering if I could settle and survive without making those assumptions, guesses and judgements. I mean anything that is yet to happen, that is this afternoon, tomorrow, next week. I don't know about them. I can tell you now that I will go to work and uni but I don't know this. The same with the past.

One of the problems with talking to people is that it is rare to have true understanding. One thinks they know, hell you assume and truly believe you know what is going on, what it is they're communicating. Particularly as a man someone says they're fine, I believe they are fine. Yet they may not be. I sometimes muse on the things running through my head and I'm pretty sure some of those are sending me to hell. I'm glad I don't communicate them. Could you imagine if people could see into your mind? Might be a bit of fun and a whole lot of trouble!

We live in a world with degrees of sureties. We make the best of the very limited information of others. I mean I am surprised witgh myself sometimes and I've been with me for twenty two years now; how the hell am I going to know some else... ever? I've been damn close to a couple of people and still there is surprise sometimes. It is nice to be wrong about people sometimes. It is fun not knowing sometimes. When I was younger I hated not knowing things. I've grown a bit since then and have resolved myself to the fact that there is no way of really knowing anything and so I let go of it. It's better this way. I can have some more fun.

Cheers guys.
More this week.

Confrontation -- Physics

For every action their is an equal and opposite reaction. Basically you push something, it pushes back. Well until something breaks. This however applies to many, many things. It's often hard to tell when they break though.

My friend is about to pay a price for something they do not want. They are doing it for good reasons. They value their friend. Many people would say don't compromise yourself, your values and wants for someone else; however I'm hoping anyone who reads this knows the importance of being able to bend.

And so we find when we want two things but can only have one we make a choice. Damn I don't like that. I hate even more being forced to have to choose. How dare you make me do that but I will pay my money. I will take my chance. I will own it. Things will change.

People do this though. They do it all the time. 'This is what I want from them/for me and fuck the cost others have to pay'. Well fair enough but I'm not sure how good we people are at judging prices and values at times. As for consequences I'd be hard pressed to think of anyone I know who considers them when acting. Certainly no more than intuitively.

People think of others. Why does someone do what they did? Did it solve their problem? Why do you then have a problem with it? Let it go life is too short!

I value confrontation though. I do like it. When you butt heads against someone you find what it is you truely believe. What you hold onto. Then it changes. Alters twisting and turning to fit and mold around anothers experience and your experience of another. Some people I know think I like to argue for the sake of it and that is a half truth. I argue to find a new place to live. Even though sometimes I doesn't work.