Conversations of the Insane -- See for Yourself

"GROW UP DAMNIT! How much longer will things be like this? What is the point, what are you doing? It is flawed and failing fast. THINGS HAVE TO CHANGE between us. I can't keep with this past, the swings the ups and downs it is just way too much. I think there is something seriously wrong  with you."
"I know, I'm sorry you're right."
"So what are you doing here? Do you want to be like this?"
"No, it's pathetic but so hard, why do you have to be so harsh?"
"I can't let you ruin things for me. I'm busy, I have much to do. I'm time poor. I can't waste my time having to deal with you."
"Well why don't you deal with me. Not a one way street, you can't just focus on what it is your doing, there is more than that. You have to be a person sometimes."
"Deal with yourself! It's not my responsibility to look after you. You're an adult, behave like one. I will not do this for you anymore. I think we need to have a serious talk about where we are going."

"But things can be so good. I need you."
"You are important to me too but I don't need you and right now I don't want you."
"But you are my everything. I wont know what to do next. I don't need you for purpose but just to encourage me to keep going."
"I dont want to be doing that anymore. I dont like this, I dont want this."
"Well then, I will have to change. What was it that you want to change?"
"EVERYTHING! Leave me be. I just don't want you right now."

Molten Iron -- Anger and Rebirth

There is something pure about anger. A white hot furnace of truth. A position reflecting the heart. Anger is honest. That is, it can't be easy to have dishonest anger so by process of elimination. What then is anger, wrath cannot exist for the purpose of wrath. Where is the shame and the hurt? the affront and sadness. When the fires of rage are exhausted, when the fuel is gone, what is left?

This fire analogy is an apt one. It describes what happens. The anger passes. Try to see what is left, see what is underneath. See the pride and shame and the ever testing trials of flaws we have no say on but to grow through. Remember the pain of growing, of the difficulty of moving to a new place. The mind and soul, or however you wish to identify them, are not dissimilar to the body, they grow, sometimes it takes a while to catch up. Sometimes they may never quite get there.

And in so keeping with what is anger it begins in white hotness and now on this packed train of people who are not people, with space all around me there is the inevitable depression that is regrowth. Phoenix are beautiful.

Lovers and Friends -- Redifining

Look around, at the people you know. It seems many of them have these wonderful support groups. Surrounded by lovers and people for them, people who trust and are trusted to help and accept. Friends is what I figure they are. Not so sure if that is correct anymore. People still have these groups around them, people who trust, love, support and sustain. But is that what a friend is?

They say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. I ask these questions from a place of sadness. There is no anger in the passing of a lover. Such things happen but mourning at the loss of something that was always so wonderful and ever present. We each make our choices and there is no prize for self sacrifice. What would be left to love if it has all been sacrificed unto the alter of others?

People do things they think are right, or at least ok. It is hindsight providing the insight into err. How much damage can you do before things don't heal. Can you forgive the blunder. When the bandage is moved with it still pump red to the soil enriching the dirt with your essence. Are all men born equal or are some more equal than others?

Help and hinder -- Sinking, Swimming, Standing, Falling.

It is important to help people stand. Stand on their own two feet, proud and strong human beings. Musing on the importance of helping people and the balance between empowering and uplifting and the unhelpful doing things for them, essentially 'weakening' leading to dependence. How much can one do for a friend before they need to stand unaided? How much can I ask of my friends without crippling my own abilities? Yet certainly there is a difference between this and constant and unrelenting criticism. How important is it for me to know that I have disappointed you when it is entirely likely I have disappointed myself so very much more. Which one hurts more keenly? When a kid falls do you offer your hand to help them up or do you stand on their back pushing them back down?

Equally, surely it is important to be able to hear when you are being uplifted and not just the criticism (even if they are constructive). It has been said that it takes three times as many good words to have the same effect of one bad one. It is also very important to be sure in yourself of when you have done something right and good in the world. To be OK with it being just that and not having the world point and sing your praises. If only I could tell myself this ten years ago and hear. If only I could hear it now!

I hope that I never stop growing and that as time stretches out and onward I become more at peace with who I am and what I do. This however needs to be tempered with a healthy ambition and desire to be a working member of society, to do my bit, to work hard at my job and not just being a good person. These things can be hand in hand. Both personal and professional development in practise. They are not mutually exclusive possibilities they will work together. These things seem not to be taught but are learnt. For all the sense that statement makes. Still time to drink away the disappointment and drink to celebrate the good times. Till I see you again.

Lots of Question -- Older You Are The Less You Know

I feel that for the first piece of moderately introspective writing of the year I should, perhaps, in light of the times examine the end of last year and optimistically project on to this year. Figure it is two months late though. It was also single awareness day this week, missed that too. So why do we have these tendencies. These strange desires to look on the past and project in to the futures neither of which are accurate realities or even real. To make days out of nothing and resolutions. It is true that you reap what you sow and also that you see what you wish to see.

The struggle is the balance of doing what is good for me, the individual and yet live without being overly selfish, where ever you set that bar. Balance in what is right for the only life I have and having kindness and compassion for others. Showing the right amount of genuine interest in the lives of others. The other thing is what happens when those close to you, the ones you invest in their well being, what happens when they don't respond or no longer respond. When they move away or move on. How long do you hold on, can you always move together? Obviously I struggle with these because I see and experience them, but what do I miss?

When I applied for uni I applied for a mixture of engineering and psychology. People are fascinating, what makes them tick, what makes you do what you do and why do we make the choices when they seem like the opposite of what we should do. The difficulty being there doesn't seem to be many good answers. People split between how we believe the brain works, where does the human being lay in the brain what is pulling the strings, (if someone knows an answer for this please let me know). Where does attraction lie and what stops people taking the plunge doing things which they may not have considered. How much more effort does it take?

There are so many questions about people and life. So much is known but ever more questions. Through all this, tomorrow I will go to work to make sure I can keep eating. Can't help but feel I could almost be doing something better with my time.

High school -- Doing it right

So I have been thinking about high school education for quite a while now and today a internet personality I really liked asked about how would people change learning in highschools this was my response. I had planned to write on this topic soon anyway.

Day9.tv  Look on the forums for the thread.

Specific is the wrong way to go!

 

Hi there Day[9], Viewers,
My name is James and I am twenty three years old currently studying my second degree in a wonderful far away land known as Australia. My first degree was about Creative Technology, particularly sound and audio, my second a straight up Engineering degree majoring in Mechanical and I have been thinking about these questions on education for the last year in reference to where I have been, where I am going and how my schooling has helped (or hindered) my development and understanding of the world around me. I have even started working on articulating them in my own personal blog.

Whilst I liked what Day[9] said in his original post I disagree entirely with the premise that educating of young people can be done in three subjects or that even changing three subjects would alter the school system at all. Education should aim to produce well rounded, well formed people and not about subject knowledge, I'm doing enough of that at uni and at this level we can cover the work in a quarter of the time. Instead it would be immensely valuable to society as a whole to spend time teaching young adults to begin to look after themselves. Teach them healthy lifestyles. How to deal with depression, to maintain exercise and be able to cook. These are basics that I taught myself once I left home really.

It would also be of value to society to have these young and creative people well versed in the arts and philosophy and be able to reason with it. To argue with it, wrestle and struggle and to be pointed in the direction of conclusions. There are so many wonderful experiences in the field of arts from ballet to tap dancing, Shakespeare to musicals, from Picasso to Debussy to Led Zeppelin to Lady Gaga. All of these things have value, even if like in the case of Nicki Minaj, it is that no one ever does it ever again ever. Hell, that is the stuff of PhD's, expanding knew knowledge others have not done before.

Despite these wonderful things an increasing dependence on technology is evident. This is a trend that has been coming for a while now, since the industrial revolution and is continuing to increase. As such basic numeracy and understanding of the physical world is required. the ability to understand what is going on with basic trig and algebra even though many people do it without realising that is in fact what they are doing (finding some number). Then to apply that to their finances as so many people here have suggested and recognised as important for making good and appropriate life choices, to build a better life.

I suppose what needs to be addressed is how much can young adults teach themselves, how much needs to be developed and nurtured and what is too important to risk someone missing. I don't have any suggestions on subjects that need doing other than to say we need to know so much now as young adults and the ceiling is getting ever higher how do we deal with an increasing need to know more? What can be cut away but how much bath water can we lose before we risk the baby? However it bodes well for education that we are able to have these discussions in public forum. It says that perhaps it is not all bad. However there is going to be an ongoing need to review and improve this system and how we as adults and leaders work to develop and grow the hearts and minds of young people.

I'm out, I plan to continue with this, this coming year. To improve writing and understanding

Eating and Drinking and Being Thoughtful -- Melbourne and Humanitarian Works

So when I started writing this I was in Melbourne. I finished it up the next day in Brisbane.

So about to leave Melbourne for the second time this year. I know I wanted to get down here again but it was rather unexpected. I hadn't thought I'd get down here again. I'd like to have something deep and impacting for you but mostly I just had a wonderful time eating and drinking my way through the city. I do so love my food and drink, or anyone elses for that matter. As far as places go for food and drink I certainly think that Melbourne is one of the better ones. I haven't been to enough places mind.

We were down here on behalf of uni to present at the EWB Challenge national finals. Very cool stuff although I'm not overly invested in humanitarian work there were still some great ideas to help improve peoples lives I only wish the winning idea had been better. It felt odd that in the end the judges had wanted to address peoples comfort (in a small way if at all) rather than survival rates. Still as I said humanitarian work isn't exactly my forte and I will concede I don't know much about it. I think my forte lies in the 'higher' level thinking stuff. In challenging people who live in the first world. Challenging them on their beliefs and drives.

Certainly with this blog, in conversation and discussion I hope to encourage people to think and question what it is they believe and feel, and why this is so. Where does one draw the line with helping people? Do you give everything you have away? These are questions that I don't feel have right answers particularly in western societies. I feel it is important on an individual level that people contemplate these even if not for long. To bring about an awareness of themselves and that their is  a world around them that they can affect even in small ways. Or even what their obligation to do so is. I don't know if that is the path to happiness but I think a greater understanding of self and the world would be a step in the right direction.

So as it turns out I did have something meaningful to gain from Melbourne and I hope that reading this helps you guys out too.