Hello and Welcome to My Mind

Hello,
Welcome to my mind. Honestly though I do believe in years gone past this is why people had friends. That is not to say I don't have friends now. I do have this burning desire to get this thinking and these thoughts out of my head and somewhere. I'm sure some of them will be pure gold... and most of them a steaming pile of crap. If no body ever reads this, you know, I think I will be OK with that. I can't say how long this will last or whether it will go on from today. If I was would it be daily, weekly? Who knows and really I don't care overly much. It will be as it will be just as I am sure life will go on with or without this potential golden crap.

So dear reader I shall share with you some of the thoughts I had today. I have considered understanding. The concept of understanding and true understanding. I got to this thought from the starting point of belief.

I feel I am like many people; or I at least hope so and I like many people am not certain of what I believe or even if I believe in anything at all. Despite this I think I do (believe in something), I think belief goes hand in hand with existence. I grew up in a christian household my folks even went as far as to be ministers for one or two... maybe ten years. Now they have moved on (I think) and so have I. However, I don't know where I have moved to. So all I can really say is that I don't believe that anymore. So what do I believe when all I can really say is what I don't believe?

The understanding bit came in when I was thinking about people I know who may have made similar journeys. Not because of some traumatic experience or any reason other than they got to the point where they no longer really believed in whatever it was they believed. In particular one person drew this thought. I wondered; do they comprehend that they don't believe that anymore? Do they really realise that to remove that form their understanding their universe needs to have something substituted in there? I decided that probably not. They really didn't understand what not believing is. I went on to imagine that most people don't truly understand, well pretty much anything.

I certainly don't mean that last thought to be insulting. I certainly hardly understand much and as I said no idea what I believe. Although that is not strictly true. I have some idea, it's just overly vague and just a big mass of grey in a big ocean of ideas. Fluid, always changing, and never the same from one moment to the next. This post modern, existentialism is not always that helpful.

That would be my next thought. I am as you can see both those things. It is a nice place to be but can be challenging at times. Like many I am need of direction/purpose. The problem with this style of thinking is (at least for me) I struggle to take direction from outside. As after all that is your direction, and there is nothing wrong with that, but it just isn't my direction. There in lies the dilemma of existentialist living I guess. Well for me anyway.

Anyway I have been distracted for two paragraphs and should get back to the original thought. See my problem with all this comes from that ignorance, (I know people say it is bliss and I'm quite ready to believe them, these people whoever they are). See despite not believing in something and then substituting something in there for that; I'm sure people do this without knowing they do so. And perhaps they don't even know that, yet they don't just flash out of existence. They go about their jobs and lives, families and friends. Some of them I'm sure are even happy. I like that. I just don't think it is fair. Someone else should struggle with existence. Or at least tell me they do.

I must say. That was not the conclusion I expected. It is rather disappointing really. To get to the end and the ending is like that. Like all those really good movies that are fun and engaging and just as he is about to get the girl she dies, the dog runs away and the bank takes the house. Sorry, I'll try better next time (and I do think there will be a next time)
See you then.
Japetto.