So I had an epiphony in the shower. It's probably not what you think. I was thinking about the past week or so. About girls, about dancing, music, relationships and myself. In particular it would have been about how I relate and interact with those things.
I epiphonied! I really like who I am.
That may not seem like a whole lot but for the past decade I haven't. Now about March last year I decided I wanted to really like and be at peace with who I am. I focused on it for a couple months thought it was getting better, getting worse. As with alot of things like that I really gave up on it and just continued on living.
I don't know when the change occured or what it was that changed my mind but I came to the realisation that, "I am who I am, want to be and will choose to be whoever I am. I am a good person and deserving of peoples time. If they don't give me their time there is nothing wrong with that. I really like who I am".
Thats a hell of thing for me!
I wanted to capture this moment more for me than for anyone else.
Welcome to being privy to me!
James
Tuesday 31 January 2012
Wednesday 25 January 2012
Singles Awareness Day -- Differentiation.
Up coming is Single Awareness Day (SAD) AKA February 14th AKA Valentines Day (thank you Scarlet). This little event got me thinking, although, maybe not in the way you might think it would.
Now I don't really have a problem with SAD although I have felt for a long time that it is a of a day of exclusion. I am, as you can guess, single however and this (hopefully not to much of a) rant is about couples. In particular young couples. Old couples in theory should have this sorted (although they don't) and singles shouldn't have this issue.
Anyway in the title I use a word. It is seventeen letters long and has a meaning (duh). Several meanings actually depending on where you look. Differentiation for the purpose of this is to do with the intermingling of two people within a relationship and their individual identities. Partly the concept of being whipped for blokes or whatever the woman equivalent is. Whatever the next step after making sandwiches is I guess? It has always irked me the way people get together and then they morph into this one hideous entity. They disappear sometimes for weeks on end into their cocoon and when they emerge they are this horrid gelatinous blob of a being that used to resemble your mate and or matette. They lose all ability to make decisions when you talk to one head but not the other. THIS IS WRONG! If this is you... IT'S WRONG!... FIX IT!
OK so maybe that is a touch harsh. Don't get me wrong I'll let it go on for a month maybe even two. Who knows when/if I ever have another girl friend I may do this. I'm perfectly willing to let you get away with it for a little while. In the end, you may seem like a crime against nature and you must remember that you are two separate things. The same as you always were. The person you're mates loved (or in my case put up with *wink*). Us single people (as long as we haven't just been ditched) don't begrudge you having someone. That is awesome. We really think so. Whilst you are this one entity, (its a relationship after all) you are two separate beings. This needs to be remembered. I said it twice because it is important.
So, enough of joint Facebook accounts. 95% of partners will not cheat on you if they go out of an evening without you. Going out with boys/girls keeps you sane. You need to maintain those friends you had before you met and keep meeting new ones. I won't lie it took me losing someone to learn these lessons. Sometime there are things you will like and not the other, this is OK and not the end of the world. Stop looking for the perfect partners. Stop thinking your partner is perfect. They're not and that is life, you should revel in it.
"No man is an island" said Mr John Donne, Eve was created to keep Adam company (if you believe that). We like to be in relationships. The rest of us like them to be healthy. Take time to be yourself, do what you want and be sure and certain in the knowledge of who you are and your individuality. Having said that be open to trying new things, with or without someone. Share and all that jazz. We, I, totally understand. I just want you to be healthy and grown up in your relationships now and to see MY BLOODY MATE!
cheers guys see you next time
Japetto :-P
Now I don't really have a problem with SAD although I have felt for a long time that it is a of a day of exclusion. I am, as you can guess, single however and this (hopefully not to much of a) rant is about couples. In particular young couples. Old couples in theory should have this sorted (although they don't) and singles shouldn't have this issue.
Anyway in the title I use a word. It is seventeen letters long and has a meaning (duh). Several meanings actually depending on where you look. Differentiation for the purpose of this is to do with the intermingling of two people within a relationship and their individual identities. Partly the concept of being whipped for blokes or whatever the woman equivalent is. Whatever the next step after making sandwiches is I guess? It has always irked me the way people get together and then they morph into this one hideous entity. They disappear sometimes for weeks on end into their cocoon and when they emerge they are this horrid gelatinous blob of a being that used to resemble your mate and or matette. They lose all ability to make decisions when you talk to one head but not the other. THIS IS WRONG! If this is you... IT'S WRONG!... FIX IT!
OK so maybe that is a touch harsh. Don't get me wrong I'll let it go on for a month maybe even two. Who knows when/if I ever have another girl friend I may do this. I'm perfectly willing to let you get away with it for a little while. In the end, you may seem like a crime against nature and you must remember that you are two separate things. The same as you always were. The person you're mates loved (or in my case put up with *wink*). Us single people (as long as we haven't just been ditched) don't begrudge you having someone. That is awesome. We really think so. Whilst you are this one entity, (its a relationship after all) you are two separate beings. This needs to be remembered. I said it twice because it is important.
So, enough of joint Facebook accounts. 95% of partners will not cheat on you if they go out of an evening without you. Going out with boys/girls keeps you sane. You need to maintain those friends you had before you met and keep meeting new ones. I won't lie it took me losing someone to learn these lessons. Sometime there are things you will like and not the other, this is OK and not the end of the world. Stop looking for the perfect partners. Stop thinking your partner is perfect. They're not and that is life, you should revel in it.
"No man is an island" said Mr John Donne, Eve was created to keep Adam company (if you believe that). We like to be in relationships. The rest of us like them to be healthy. Take time to be yourself, do what you want and be sure and certain in the knowledge of who you are and your individuality. Having said that be open to trying new things, with or without someone. Share and all that jazz. We, I, totally understand. I just want you to be healthy and grown up in your relationships now and to see MY BLOODY MATE!
cheers guys see you next time
Japetto :-P
Monday 23 January 2012
Dualism -- Pistols at dawn.
Drawing lines in the sand/dirt/imaginary philosophical position. We all do it to some degree or another. The past few days it has struck me, not quite like a fist to the face but perhaps a solid push, just how dualistic people are. Dualistism is basically the black and white line we draw. This is what I accept and this is what I do not. This is right, this is wrong. Getting the picture? Whilst true dualism is exactly this, and in western thinking, they are polar opposites (e.g. Good and Evil) I mean to discuss the more practical reality of how dualism works for me in my thinking, beliefs, understanding and struggles. Black and white is boring after all, its why we made colour TV.
I recently read a book by Scott Adams called God's Debris. In this book one of the central characters asserts that the human brain is a delusion generator. What he was saying is that there is so much information out there in reality that to deal with it our natural and healthy brains take what they can and make up the rest. This train of thought has some scientific basis to it as well (go New Age science). Now following this thought this adds up to the brain making choices. 'This I like I'll hold onto this' so on and so forth. Regardless of delusion or not this is a process that occurs all the time on each new piece of information our brain recieves. This is where my dualistic mind is centred. Trying to survive in a huge torrent of information.
Unfortunately inherent in this right wrong world is the distinct lack of wiggle room for interpretation. If I say something you either accept it or reject it. Back to what I started with these aren't hard and fast. Most people will accept a bit of grey area with a few exceptions. Fanatics don't believe in the concept of grey, and so we have my way or the highway. The thing is the dualistic mentality works (to a point). I am a 'dualistic thinking man', although I'll accept debate on thinking and man. Almost no greater expression of dualism can be found than in the two party political system found in the USA, (not exactly a shinning example of democracy if you ask me).
As I said to a point. Black and white has it's limits in understanding and communication. Like 99% of everything it is a half truth. Don't nobody say they have the truth and point to a religious/philosophical/political book/work/manifesto. Struggle lies in that grey area though. Grey area is dangerous. It should come with a warning, 'here be monsters'. Grey area is misty, hard to see where you are placing your feet and there are plenty of rocks and cliffs to trip over. Having said that I do wonder the more time you spend in the grey does it get any smaller? Any bigger? I want to be in the grey. I like saying I don't know. The Grey frees me from judgement and more importantly condemnation. I think it could be fun.
Bang
I recently read a book by Scott Adams called God's Debris. In this book one of the central characters asserts that the human brain is a delusion generator. What he was saying is that there is so much information out there in reality that to deal with it our natural and healthy brains take what they can and make up the rest. This train of thought has some scientific basis to it as well (go New Age science). Now following this thought this adds up to the brain making choices. 'This I like I'll hold onto this' so on and so forth. Regardless of delusion or not this is a process that occurs all the time on each new piece of information our brain recieves. This is where my dualistic mind is centred. Trying to survive in a huge torrent of information.
Unfortunately inherent in this right wrong world is the distinct lack of wiggle room for interpretation. If I say something you either accept it or reject it. Back to what I started with these aren't hard and fast. Most people will accept a bit of grey area with a few exceptions. Fanatics don't believe in the concept of grey, and so we have my way or the highway. The thing is the dualistic mentality works (to a point). I am a 'dualistic thinking man', although I'll accept debate on thinking and man. Almost no greater expression of dualism can be found than in the two party political system found in the USA, (not exactly a shinning example of democracy if you ask me).
As I said to a point. Black and white has it's limits in understanding and communication. Like 99% of everything it is a half truth. Don't nobody say they have the truth and point to a religious/philosophical/political book/work/manifesto. Struggle lies in that grey area though. Grey area is dangerous. It should come with a warning, 'here be monsters'. Grey area is misty, hard to see where you are placing your feet and there are plenty of rocks and cliffs to trip over. Having said that I do wonder the more time you spend in the grey does it get any smaller? Any bigger? I want to be in the grey. I like saying I don't know. The Grey frees me from judgement and more importantly condemnation. I think it could be fun.
Bang
Wednesday 18 January 2012
Hello and Welcome to My Mind
Hello,
Welcome to my mind. Honestly though I do believe in years gone past this is why people had friends. That is not to say I don't have friends now. I do have this burning desire to get this thinking and these thoughts out of my head and somewhere. I'm sure some of them will be pure gold... and most of them a steaming pile of crap. If no body ever reads this, you know, I think I will be OK with that. I can't say how long this will last or whether it will go on from today. If I was would it be daily, weekly? Who knows and really I don't care overly much. It will be as it will be just as I am sure life will go on with or without this potential golden crap.
So dear reader I shall share with you some of the thoughts I had today. I have considered understanding. The concept of understanding and true understanding. I got to this thought from the starting point of belief.
I feel I am like many people; or I at least hope so and I like many people am not certain of what I believe or even if I believe in anything at all. Despite this I think I do (believe in something), I think belief goes hand in hand with existence. I grew up in a christian household my folks even went as far as to be ministers for one or two... maybe ten years. Now they have moved on (I think) and so have I. However, I don't know where I have moved to. So all I can really say is that I don't believe that anymore. So what do I believe when all I can really say is what I don't believe?
The understanding bit came in when I was thinking about people I know who may have made similar journeys. Not because of some traumatic experience or any reason other than they got to the point where they no longer really believed in whatever it was they believed. In particular one person drew this thought. I wondered; do they comprehend that they don't believe that anymore? Do they really realise that to remove that form their understanding their universe needs to have something substituted in there? I decided that probably not. They really didn't understand what not believing is. I went on to imagine that most people don't truly understand, well pretty much anything.
I certainly don't mean that last thought to be insulting. I certainly hardly understand much and as I said no idea what I believe. Although that is not strictly true. I have some idea, it's just overly vague and just a big mass of grey in a big ocean of ideas. Fluid, always changing, and never the same from one moment to the next. This post modern, existentialism is not always that helpful.
That would be my next thought. I am as you can see both those things. It is a nice place to be but can be challenging at times. Like many I am need of direction/purpose. The problem with this style of thinking is (at least for me) I struggle to take direction from outside. As after all that is your direction, and there is nothing wrong with that, but it just isn't my direction. There in lies the dilemma of existentialist living I guess. Well for me anyway.
Anyway I have been distracted for two paragraphs and should get back to the original thought. See my problem with all this comes from that ignorance, (I know people say it is bliss and I'm quite ready to believe them, these people whoever they are). See despite not believing in something and then substituting something in there for that; I'm sure people do this without knowing they do so. And perhaps they don't even know that, yet they don't just flash out of existence. They go about their jobs and lives, families and friends. Some of them I'm sure are even happy. I like that. I just don't think it is fair. Someone else should struggle with existence. Or at least tell me they do.
I must say. That was not the conclusion I expected. It is rather disappointing really. To get to the end and the ending is like that. Like all those really good movies that are fun and engaging and just as he is about to get the girl she dies, the dog runs away and the bank takes the house. Sorry, I'll try better next time (and I do think there will be a next time)
See you then.
Japetto.
Welcome to my mind. Honestly though I do believe in years gone past this is why people had friends. That is not to say I don't have friends now. I do have this burning desire to get this thinking and these thoughts out of my head and somewhere. I'm sure some of them will be pure gold... and most of them a steaming pile of crap. If no body ever reads this, you know, I think I will be OK with that. I can't say how long this will last or whether it will go on from today. If I was would it be daily, weekly? Who knows and really I don't care overly much. It will be as it will be just as I am sure life will go on with or without this potential golden crap.
So dear reader I shall share with you some of the thoughts I had today. I have considered understanding. The concept of understanding and true understanding. I got to this thought from the starting point of belief.
I feel I am like many people; or I at least hope so and I like many people am not certain of what I believe or even if I believe in anything at all. Despite this I think I do (believe in something), I think belief goes hand in hand with existence. I grew up in a christian household my folks even went as far as to be ministers for one or two... maybe ten years. Now they have moved on (I think) and so have I. However, I don't know where I have moved to. So all I can really say is that I don't believe that anymore. So what do I believe when all I can really say is what I don't believe?
The understanding bit came in when I was thinking about people I know who may have made similar journeys. Not because of some traumatic experience or any reason other than they got to the point where they no longer really believed in whatever it was they believed. In particular one person drew this thought. I wondered; do they comprehend that they don't believe that anymore? Do they really realise that to remove that form their understanding their universe needs to have something substituted in there? I decided that probably not. They really didn't understand what not believing is. I went on to imagine that most people don't truly understand, well pretty much anything.
I certainly don't mean that last thought to be insulting. I certainly hardly understand much and as I said no idea what I believe. Although that is not strictly true. I have some idea, it's just overly vague and just a big mass of grey in a big ocean of ideas. Fluid, always changing, and never the same from one moment to the next. This post modern, existentialism is not always that helpful.
That would be my next thought. I am as you can see both those things. It is a nice place to be but can be challenging at times. Like many I am need of direction/purpose. The problem with this style of thinking is (at least for me) I struggle to take direction from outside. As after all that is your direction, and there is nothing wrong with that, but it just isn't my direction. There in lies the dilemma of existentialist living I guess. Well for me anyway.
Anyway I have been distracted for two paragraphs and should get back to the original thought. See my problem with all this comes from that ignorance, (I know people say it is bliss and I'm quite ready to believe them, these people whoever they are). See despite not believing in something and then substituting something in there for that; I'm sure people do this without knowing they do so. And perhaps they don't even know that, yet they don't just flash out of existence. They go about their jobs and lives, families and friends. Some of them I'm sure are even happy. I like that. I just don't think it is fair. Someone else should struggle with existence. Or at least tell me they do.
I must say. That was not the conclusion I expected. It is rather disappointing really. To get to the end and the ending is like that. Like all those really good movies that are fun and engaging and just as he is about to get the girl she dies, the dog runs away and the bank takes the house. Sorry, I'll try better next time (and I do think there will be a next time)
See you then.
Japetto.
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