Three Steps Forward, Two Steps Back -- Scattered

This seems sometimes to be the way of things. The three steps forward, two steps back. Probably not accurate but there you go feelings have never been a good judge of anything. I have been thinking about a lot of things the last couple days although nothing with much clarity or focus. Thoughts bouncing round my head and out my ears before I can chain them down. Where things are going, what I'm doing about it? How to fix my car and practise all those things I've been doing and work too much and try keep/get fit? Then there are the unusual ones.

I really love the poem Desiderata by Max Ehrmann (link at the bottom)  there are some great snippets in there. Particularly the bit about fears being brought on by fatigue and loneliness. Things seem more trouble, more painful and all around you have a little less patients when you're tired. I remind myself of it often. Sometimes I hope it is the truth. How much further can I push myself? I am sleeping better than I have for a long time. Well kinda.

Still tough days are tough. I've never liked Valentines day. I'm not a fan of most of the other Hallmark holidays either however I reserve a particular distaste for the fourteenth of February. I wont harp on about it, did that last time. I didn't do much though, worked, danced, drank and slept. All in all not a bad day at all. Today was much the same although I've only completed the working bit... So far

Essentially this one is about how scattered I have been the last few days. Not being able to pull together anything really helpful. I'm annoyed and angry and missing people and hurting. Despite it all I'm fairly contented just too busy to think too much about it. I don't think this is living in the moment like they talk about but I don't have much space for other things either. I don't have the space or the place to think anything really good right now. It is an interesting feeling. Being stretched like this. None of these things are out of control and yet...

Talk to you next time
Cheers Japetto

Desiderata - Max Ehrmann
http://www.lordtonymackenzie.com/desiderata.html

New things -- Variety learning.

I've always been very good at wanting to do many things. In fact I often say one day I will do x.y and z. Now this is all well and good but.

I'm pretty sure there are a number of people I've told about this who don't take me seriously. Hey, fair cop, pretty sure my track record up until this point is not fantastic.

This is not going to stay like this.

When I say I want to do something I'm damn well going to do it!

This isn't just a promise either.
I've started. I dance twice a week something I've said I want to do but never have until now. I'm 22 now! Also piano. I've loved music for many a year. I've tried playing drums and guitar. I even was moderately proficient at guitar for a little while. Then I put it down for three years. Anyway I've picked the guitar up and I practise. Not as much as I should be enough that there is slow improvement. I do like to play by ear, I can do it to an extent. But now. Yes now I have started piano and learning music. Real music! Just in a couple weeks I'm starting to recognise things. It's quite similar to starting to read I think. Something I haven't done for a long time!

There are other things I've said I'm going to do.
I just love learning new skills/abilities/shit. Here's a few;
Ride a horse,
Snowboard,
Saxophone (after piano and guitar)

I want to be someone who does what I say I'm going to. It may not be tomorrow or even this year but I really want to be that guy.
What do you want to do? Going to do it?

Cheers Japetto