The Truth, Honesty and Freespeech -- Why Nut Cases are Important Too

So with my last piece I wrote that we should all strive to tell the truth no matter what. It is a simple, almost overtly obvious statement that perhaps needs some further examination. It is both necessary and powerful. In fact Alekandr Solzhenitsyn asserted that if people had refused to lie, if they had just been honest about what was happening many, many people would have been spared in Russia. This is the man who is touted as responsible for destroying the moral credibility of the Soviet Union; of ending any credibility in Marxist doctrine. For when you are promised utopia all manner of sacrifice is permitted and no evil too great to get that which is promised. With one great book he ended a tyranny. The thing is what is truth?

This is where things get far more confusing. As anyone who may have witnessed a trial, or argued with a child, or argued with a friend, colleague or family member. Each perspective has it's own truth and we are seeing these playing out all the time on social media, in politics, and general conversation. In particular it would appear that the left and the right seem to be further from each other if not in goals but in methods. For all of the exclusion and inequality of the right, the 20th century was a lesson in the dangers of the far left. We all know that the path forward is not through either/or but rather the dialogue between the two. As the dialogue occurs we can further understanding. Understanding comes from listening not speaking; something far too many oft seem to forget.

It is this understanding that it seems we have forgotten to value. Whilst trigger warnings and being PC may protect some peoples feelings you may find it hard to locate a psychologist who would advocate for avoiding that which causes you discomfort. Rather, they would suggest that you should face your fears, not because they will make your fear less, but teach you that you are tough and strong and far more capable than you realize. That is not to say that we should all be out facing down what we are still coming to terms with. You must ask how concerned are you really that other peoples words may take hold in your heart that you must banish the sight of them. How little do you think of those around you that they would be so easily swayed but that which is undesirable. The truth of others is often undesirable and thus the importance of free speech. For people will think what they think regardless of what they say and that is what matters!

It is probably not possible to give a value to the positive effects of free speech. It is incomprehensibly important to modern society, thinking, values, culture, politics, etc, etc. Unfortunately that means people will say things we don't like. Not that we have to listen, or give credence but there is still a right to speak. And speak we should for as we have established one should speak the truth, quietly and clearly. Senator Hanson has a right to be heard, for not all she says is bad, Mr Trump has a right to say what he likes, for he sees the frustration of the people with a broken system. However, when our leaders and our peers can lie with impunity the system has become corrupt and is in need in redemption, for without it will surely lead to destruction and chaos. So listen and think. Come to a greater understanding. That is where you can make change, that is where you can make things better.

I hope that helps.

The World Keeps Spinning -- Long Time No See

The title really says it all, well not it all or there would be no need to type the rest. The thing is regardless of what anyone does the world will keep spinning. There are many things that have nearly and continue nearly threaten to overwhelm human existence on the planet and yet here we are still creating and consuming, bickering and anxious, sleeping, eating and going about the rest of our biological functions.

That is probably why these great threats are so distant. Regardless of their potential impact we don't really see the implication until too late. Certainly there is a certain propensity in western cultures, we punish the deed based on the outcome not the intent; and so it should be in many ways. Although perhaps not entirely. As such we have people being freed when they should be held, held when the should be freed and imminent global catastrophe.

These aren't all new concerns mind, the 20th century certainly gave us a taste. Our technology is now at such a place that we could, if so inclined to, end us all (or near enough that it makes little difference). It is obvious to me, and it should be to you, that we should not do that but rather strive to make the world a better place by acting meaningfully and with great purpose in all that we do.

Having said that I am not blind to the difficulties, many of us work multiple jobs and then try to make time for our health, friends, family, hobby and then we should try to better ourselves on top of that? People are definitely finite creatures which by all accounts run better with some sleep. So how do we go about this?

I have spent the past six months to learning about the history of the world and nature of humanity. Whilst much of it is quite dark it is not without hope. This is something that is most important to take from this. Whilst the Nazis tried to improve through biological selection, the Communists through a misplaced quest for utopia and the capitalists through an unending quest for the maximum for the minimum, there is a need for dialogue in all things.

Remember that conservatives do as the name suggests, the conserve things as they were and the status quo. Their argument is a good one for it does seem to work for the most part, but they are hindered by the structure. It does not bend and is what it is. Many are lost to the outside of the structure and those inside lack the perspective to see the tower for what it is.

Those on the left are just as misguided however. For they only know what they don't want and developing new systems are hard. Most systems are quite ancient and should only be disregarded with great care and consideration. The truth of course is somewhere in the middle and there in lies the need for dialogue and conversation. For whilst most of what is said is absurd and useless within is the nugget of gold hidden by the mountain. This gold is far more valuable than mere metal. It is what we all strive for, that which is glorified for itself and banishes all darkness before it.

So regardless of where you sit, do that one simple but difficult thing. Tell the truth.

Hard Work, Marriage and Perspective -- Cold Hearted

So on another train ride. Not going to uni or anything now going north to a wedding but more on that later. So this train ride, going north and sitting near Americans. Students. They seemed nice enough but I was amazed at how different our lives were. How different our experiences have been the paradigmes we have set up for ourselves. These up bringings that have shapped the way we are but the inherent predejuces. Not saying that they were racist but there was a certian arogance about the way the spoke to each other. A certain entitl,emt they seemed to feel. Travelling through a gorgeous area of south east Queensland called the Glasshouse Mountains and not even looking out the window.

I would have liked to have chatted with them about a number of things but they weren't really interested. I would have loved to have learnt about them. That would have been really cool. Things must be so different in the US. I must go there one day. Just to see what it is like. I do think I want to spend too much time there. There is way too much stuff that I find genuinely terrifying about that world. Something alien. I know that sounds quite xenophobic. Maybe it is.

Still the wedding. A far more important thing for this day. I don't like weddings though. It is not the thought of matrimony that bothers me because it does not. I rather idealise the joining of two people and do mean people, into a publicly recognised, commited relationship.

No what bothers me is the rhetoric. The game. Why do we need to talk of how these people were fated to be together? Fate's role in this is irrelevent. In fact I would begrudge fate if he had a hand in it for it absolves choice. Everyone should be accountable for their choices. Everyone needs to work for it right?

Don't read too much into this.

It's been six weeks since I've done one of these. It has been a damn busy six weeks too. Uni getting down to business, work mostly just getting int he way and not paying enough. Picked up a hobby again. Won't tell you about it, it's slightly embarrassing. The idea that we should confront ourselves with who we are is important. It is dangerous. It is also not a certain thing. The view we have of ourselves is limited at best only by a wanting to be the best self and at the worst is entirely inaccurate for a whole bunch of reasons.

For these reasons and others maybe we have friends to guide us and shape us in the ways we would like. Perhaps sometimes you can get back on track with a gentle nudge, as long as they nudge the way you want.

I'm beating round the bush.

I often feel pretty crappy, not sick, but just really low. Depression is definitely a real thing and has very real effects. Causes are often different and the manifestations too. I'm ok with this. What concerns me is the why. I don't understand why. In investigating what it could be with doctors and others alike, I have become familiar with waiting and the mediocrity of receptionists. I'm concerned though that it's not something easily fixable.

I'm worried that my brain is frying. I don't feel as clever or switched on as I used to be. It takes me longer to grasp things than it used to and extrapolating on that is getting harder. I'm losing track of time, imagining things and becoming forgetful. Feel like I'm relating really poorly with people, doing and saying terrible things, not because I want to but because I misread or phrase things wrong. Maybe these are the signs of growing up? Maybe these are normal? I don't know.

That scares the crap out of me. It's probably not even true. Certainly today I'm not in the correct space to make a good call and that certainly isn't a good one. I just want to be normal(ish). That would be nice. Then I wouldn't write about this stuff and I'd just go about doing what needs to be done, seeing people who wish to be seen and all the rest that people like you do. To focus on the important stuff in life not the trivial or the stuff that doesn't even effect.

The Great Struggle -- Winning Battles.

People talk about what they struggle with. The greatest struggle has been for a lot of people not some hardship forced upon them, not some depravity they have had to live with, not a lack of oppotunity. The great struggle is that of the internal struggle. The struggle with yourself, myself, the self. I struggle with myself, my head, my heart and although they are not different sometimes I need a little bit of help.

Conversations of the Insane -- See for Yourself

"GROW UP DAMNIT! How much longer will things be like this? What is the point, what are you doing? It is flawed and failing fast. THINGS HAVE TO CHANGE between us. I can't keep with this past, the swings the ups and downs it is just way too much. I think there is something seriously wrong  with you."
"I know, I'm sorry you're right."
"So what are you doing here? Do you want to be like this?"
"No, it's pathetic but so hard, why do you have to be so harsh?"
"I can't let you ruin things for me. I'm busy, I have much to do. I'm time poor. I can't waste my time having to deal with you."
"Well why don't you deal with me. Not a one way street, you can't just focus on what it is your doing, there is more than that. You have to be a person sometimes."
"Deal with yourself! It's not my responsibility to look after you. You're an adult, behave like one. I will not do this for you anymore. I think we need to have a serious talk about where we are going."

"But things can be so good. I need you."
"You are important to me too but I don't need you and right now I don't want you."
"But you are my everything. I wont know what to do next. I don't need you for purpose but just to encourage me to keep going."
"I dont want to be doing that anymore. I dont like this, I dont want this."
"Well then, I will have to change. What was it that you want to change?"
"EVERYTHING! Leave me be. I just don't want you right now."

Molten Iron -- Anger and Rebirth

There is something pure about anger. A white hot furnace of truth. A position reflecting the heart. Anger is honest. That is, it can't be easy to have dishonest anger so by process of elimination. What then is anger, wrath cannot exist for the purpose of wrath. Where is the shame and the hurt? the affront and sadness. When the fires of rage are exhausted, when the fuel is gone, what is left?

This fire analogy is an apt one. It describes what happens. The anger passes. Try to see what is left, see what is underneath. See the pride and shame and the ever testing trials of flaws we have no say on but to grow through. Remember the pain of growing, of the difficulty of moving to a new place. The mind and soul, or however you wish to identify them, are not dissimilar to the body, they grow, sometimes it takes a while to catch up. Sometimes they may never quite get there.

And in so keeping with what is anger it begins in white hotness and now on this packed train of people who are not people, with space all around me there is the inevitable depression that is regrowth. Phoenix are beautiful.

Lovers and Friends -- Redifining

Look around, at the people you know. It seems many of them have these wonderful support groups. Surrounded by lovers and people for them, people who trust and are trusted to help and accept. Friends is what I figure they are. Not so sure if that is correct anymore. People still have these groups around them, people who trust, love, support and sustain. But is that what a friend is?

They say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. I ask these questions from a place of sadness. There is no anger in the passing of a lover. Such things happen but mourning at the loss of something that was always so wonderful and ever present. We each make our choices and there is no prize for self sacrifice. What would be left to love if it has all been sacrificed unto the alter of others?

People do things they think are right, or at least ok. It is hindsight providing the insight into err. How much damage can you do before things don't heal. Can you forgive the blunder. When the bandage is moved with it still pump red to the soil enriching the dirt with your essence. Are all men born equal or are some more equal than others?

Help and hinder -- Sinking, Swimming, Standing, Falling.

It is important to help people stand. Stand on their own two feet, proud and strong human beings. Musing on the importance of helping people and the balance between empowering and uplifting and the unhelpful doing things for them, essentially 'weakening' leading to dependence. How much can one do for a friend before they need to stand unaided? How much can I ask of my friends without crippling my own abilities? Yet certainly there is a difference between this and constant and unrelenting criticism. How important is it for me to know that I have disappointed you when it is entirely likely I have disappointed myself so very much more. Which one hurts more keenly? When a kid falls do you offer your hand to help them up or do you stand on their back pushing them back down?

Equally, surely it is important to be able to hear when you are being uplifted and not just the criticism (even if they are constructive). It has been said that it takes three times as many good words to have the same effect of one bad one. It is also very important to be sure in yourself of when you have done something right and good in the world. To be OK with it being just that and not having the world point and sing your praises. If only I could tell myself this ten years ago and hear. If only I could hear it now!

I hope that I never stop growing and that as time stretches out and onward I become more at peace with who I am and what I do. This however needs to be tempered with a healthy ambition and desire to be a working member of society, to do my bit, to work hard at my job and not just being a good person. These things can be hand in hand. Both personal and professional development in practise. They are not mutually exclusive possibilities they will work together. These things seem not to be taught but are learnt. For all the sense that statement makes. Still time to drink away the disappointment and drink to celebrate the good times. Till I see you again.

Lots of Question -- Older You Are The Less You Know

I feel that for the first piece of moderately introspective writing of the year I should, perhaps, in light of the times examine the end of last year and optimistically project on to this year. Figure it is two months late though. It was also single awareness day this week, missed that too. So why do we have these tendencies. These strange desires to look on the past and project in to the futures neither of which are accurate realities or even real. To make days out of nothing and resolutions. It is true that you reap what you sow and also that you see what you wish to see.

The struggle is the balance of doing what is good for me, the individual and yet live without being overly selfish, where ever you set that bar. Balance in what is right for the only life I have and having kindness and compassion for others. Showing the right amount of genuine interest in the lives of others. The other thing is what happens when those close to you, the ones you invest in their well being, what happens when they don't respond or no longer respond. When they move away or move on. How long do you hold on, can you always move together? Obviously I struggle with these because I see and experience them, but what do I miss?

When I applied for uni I applied for a mixture of engineering and psychology. People are fascinating, what makes them tick, what makes you do what you do and why do we make the choices when they seem like the opposite of what we should do. The difficulty being there doesn't seem to be many good answers. People split between how we believe the brain works, where does the human being lay in the brain what is pulling the strings, (if someone knows an answer for this please let me know). Where does attraction lie and what stops people taking the plunge doing things which they may not have considered. How much more effort does it take?

There are so many questions about people and life. So much is known but ever more questions. Through all this, tomorrow I will go to work to make sure I can keep eating. Can't help but feel I could almost be doing something better with my time.

High school -- Doing it right

So I have been thinking about high school education for quite a while now and today a internet personality I really liked asked about how would people change learning in highschools this was my response. I had planned to write on this topic soon anyway.

Day9.tv  Look on the forums for the thread.

Specific is the wrong way to go!

 

Hi there Day[9], Viewers,
My name is James and I am twenty three years old currently studying my second degree in a wonderful far away land known as Australia. My first degree was about Creative Technology, particularly sound and audio, my second a straight up Engineering degree majoring in Mechanical and I have been thinking about these questions on education for the last year in reference to where I have been, where I am going and how my schooling has helped (or hindered) my development and understanding of the world around me. I have even started working on articulating them in my own personal blog.

Whilst I liked what Day[9] said in his original post I disagree entirely with the premise that educating of young people can be done in three subjects or that even changing three subjects would alter the school system at all. Education should aim to produce well rounded, well formed people and not about subject knowledge, I'm doing enough of that at uni and at this level we can cover the work in a quarter of the time. Instead it would be immensely valuable to society as a whole to spend time teaching young adults to begin to look after themselves. Teach them healthy lifestyles. How to deal with depression, to maintain exercise and be able to cook. These are basics that I taught myself once I left home really.

It would also be of value to society to have these young and creative people well versed in the arts and philosophy and be able to reason with it. To argue with it, wrestle and struggle and to be pointed in the direction of conclusions. There are so many wonderful experiences in the field of arts from ballet to tap dancing, Shakespeare to musicals, from Picasso to Debussy to Led Zeppelin to Lady Gaga. All of these things have value, even if like in the case of Nicki Minaj, it is that no one ever does it ever again ever. Hell, that is the stuff of PhD's, expanding knew knowledge others have not done before.

Despite these wonderful things an increasing dependence on technology is evident. This is a trend that has been coming for a while now, since the industrial revolution and is continuing to increase. As such basic numeracy and understanding of the physical world is required. the ability to understand what is going on with basic trig and algebra even though many people do it without realising that is in fact what they are doing (finding some number). Then to apply that to their finances as so many people here have suggested and recognised as important for making good and appropriate life choices, to build a better life.

I suppose what needs to be addressed is how much can young adults teach themselves, how much needs to be developed and nurtured and what is too important to risk someone missing. I don't have any suggestions on subjects that need doing other than to say we need to know so much now as young adults and the ceiling is getting ever higher how do we deal with an increasing need to know more? What can be cut away but how much bath water can we lose before we risk the baby? However it bodes well for education that we are able to have these discussions in public forum. It says that perhaps it is not all bad. However there is going to be an ongoing need to review and improve this system and how we as adults and leaders work to develop and grow the hearts and minds of young people.

I'm out, I plan to continue with this, this coming year. To improve writing and understanding

Eating and Drinking and Being Thoughtful -- Melbourne and Humanitarian Works

So when I started writing this I was in Melbourne. I finished it up the next day in Brisbane.

So about to leave Melbourne for the second time this year. I know I wanted to get down here again but it was rather unexpected. I hadn't thought I'd get down here again. I'd like to have something deep and impacting for you but mostly I just had a wonderful time eating and drinking my way through the city. I do so love my food and drink, or anyone elses for that matter. As far as places go for food and drink I certainly think that Melbourne is one of the better ones. I haven't been to enough places mind.

We were down here on behalf of uni to present at the EWB Challenge national finals. Very cool stuff although I'm not overly invested in humanitarian work there were still some great ideas to help improve peoples lives I only wish the winning idea had been better. It felt odd that in the end the judges had wanted to address peoples comfort (in a small way if at all) rather than survival rates. Still as I said humanitarian work isn't exactly my forte and I will concede I don't know much about it. I think my forte lies in the 'higher' level thinking stuff. In challenging people who live in the first world. Challenging them on their beliefs and drives.

Certainly with this blog, in conversation and discussion I hope to encourage people to think and question what it is they believe and feel, and why this is so. Where does one draw the line with helping people? Do you give everything you have away? These are questions that I don't feel have right answers particularly in western societies. I feel it is important on an individual level that people contemplate these even if not for long. To bring about an awareness of themselves and that their is  a world around them that they can affect even in small ways. Or even what their obligation to do so is. I don't know if that is the path to happiness but I think a greater understanding of self and the world would be a step in the right direction.

So as it turns out I did have something meaningful to gain from Melbourne and I hope that reading this helps you guys out too.

Quotes and Wisdom -- I wish this were true.

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life." - Bob Marley

http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/151476-only-once-in-your-life-i-truly-believe-you-find

I'm not sure if I believe in the completeness of this any more.

Inspiring Fear -- Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!

It is funny how fears can creep up on you. Things that you don't contemplate because you never saw them coming, or because you don't contemplate much. The thing is fear is often based in the future, on something that may or may not happen. These worries this stress isn't really necessary.

Fear of itself is not a good reason to not doing anything. If I had to list things  that becoming a man or woman, an adult was about it would be doing things despite being afraid. That is not to say go out and do stupid shit but more to challenge oneself in the boundaries you set to make sure you keep striving and journeying towards being a better human being. Fear will prevent this. Fear is in fact very good at preventing growth because it is so very easy to rationalise. Fears are often based in good places. "I'm not jumping because this is the eight stories high". But maybe from this eighth floor there is a giant water slide and it would be perfectly safe and awesome fun. Sometimes there are good and great things that we cannot see because we are afraid.

Be smart in where you push but keep pushing. Even if no one else thinks you're great you can because you will be more of a person than you were yesterday, more human. Take journeys with people and grow and learn and experience. You don't need to have great recognition to do great things. You just have to do them.

This sentiment right here.

Caboose asks Church if he ever wonders why they're here. Church replies "It's not about hating the guy on the other side because someone told you to. I mean, you should hate someone because they're an asshole or a pervert or snob or they're lazy or an idiot or a know-it-all. Those are reasons to dislike somebody. You don't hate a person because someone told you to. You have to learn to despise people on a personal level. Not because they're red or because they're blue but because ya know them and you see them every single day. And you can't stand them because they're a complete and total fucking douchebag." Caboose then corrects him, stating that he simply wanted to know why they were in the sun when they could be in the shade.

Stolen from Rooster teeth, Red vs Blue Season 5.

Hopeful - Looking here and now and forward

Organised  belief systems absolve responsibility. That's it, it has been said. One of the big unrealised issues with belief and my problem with religions. "I failed this, got fired by blah or was mean to this person because God/Zeus/Cat/Caboose wanted it this way". That is so not OK. You failed/fired cause you didn't do the work. You were mean because you were projecting your ideals and ideas onto someone else or you straight up just don't care enough to let them be them. As time goes by empirical thinking has been harder to ignore, it provides a foundation to learn so much. Reconcile that you don't know everything or rather nearly anything, you know what you know however and that is also such a vast amount. How to communicate, language and social behaviour then there is everything that you have learnt over time from school and family and friends! The sheer knowledge we have gained is astounding and yet there is always more. Is that not wonderful?

This blog has been inspired by uni exams and the fact that Prof. Brian Cox is on the radio and I happen to be on the train. For those who aren't familiar with Brian Cox he is a exceptionally clever man with a couple doctorates specialising in particle physics and astrophysics. He was also in a moderately famous pop band. "Thingggssss, can only get betterrrr..." Yeah that one. Just there is so much hope for humanity if just we could step outside ourselves for a bit. There are so many wonders that inspire. We can't ignore politics, whether US or Australian and pop culture is exceptionally prevalent it is inescapable but at the same time these things are inspiring in many ways. Except Nicki Minaj, she still is is disgrace to all things art.

So with only 1 important exam left after today and a bludge one after that what am I looking to do with my time. See and spend time with friends gathering experiences and learning. I'm gonna make some youtube videos again, although probably not vlog type ones, make some music, continue with piano and guitar. Work as well. Set some things right.

Lets see how that goes hey!

Discontent

It's hard to hide the gnashing of teeth,
the accentuated rise and fall of the the chest, the frown,
the agitation and restlessness, the anger,
the rise in pain from wounds not healed! Physical and not.
Hard to dismiss what does not apply and yet the effects that keep affecting.
Your thoughtlessness, choices plain to see,
changes deep as a dried creek bed, relevant only for a single moment.
Bizarre misplaced reasoning leading down the short road to mistakes and heart aches.
We all want our cake and to eat it to,
for what else do you have cake for?

All the while watching and observing,
reflecting on differences and drives,
we shall see what tomorrow brings

Collections of Scatters -- Disconnected Thoughts, Worries

So here are a few of the thoughts that have started for me recently but failed to develop into whole posts. Then there will some stuff about where I have been in my head just recently.

 Post 1
People are both stronger and more fragile than they appear. This is concerning. It may have been mentioned before that I'm not the nicest guy around and I stick to this regardless of how things may appear. There are a few reasons for this and most of them are to do with making choices.When presented with a situation there is generally the feeling of this is what we believe is the right choice to make. The problem lies when someone refuses to make that choice. Not makes a mistake of judgement but rather decides to do something else. 




Post 2
Music has been strange recently, hasn't it? Seriously Call Me Maybe on the back of Friday and now Gangnam Style. Finding more and more people rejecting 'artist's' such as Nicki Minaj. It has been rather fascinating watching the changes and where they might go next. Independent music has been on the up and up. It seems more and more that commercial radio is being phased out and being replaced by people downloading and playing their own. Now with the horrible percentage of ads removed could this possibly change. Or is this one giant mistake and illusion based on demographics and familiarity. Have things maybe always been like this?



 The Last Week
Recently I've been fighting the depression that is my... constant struggle? I don't really know how to describe it. I mean I fight with myself trying to instil a believe of self worth. The annoying thing is that I'm not sure what it is all about. Just that there be a lack of some chemical in my head and I have to try really hard to change it. I mean really none of that is even confirmed. Just I recognize it as what it is and try to deal with it. It is hard though to encourage yourself when you don't believe a word of it. That I think is why I certainly find value in human interactions. This isn't supposed to manipulate anyone who reads this overly but rather a way of me expressing my struggles.

And it is a struggle. Regardless I'm worried. I'm worried that I'm not in the right place that I've missed some mystical choice that would put me somewhere that I'm supposed to be. The idea is foreign, foolish.  Crazy I am where I am and that is the way of things yet it worries me. I have been making poor choice and this is no excuse but it does exacerbate (make worse) things. Not really a fan of that lost sensation. Still nearly time for me to go celebrate a birthday. I really hope I don't fail them as well.

Fail Blog -- Love, Language...

So... Found this little article just here. It is really very cool. It has been observed previously (see in the first 3 or 4 blogs) that in Greek there are five words for love yet in English the concept is encompassed by one measly four letter word. I mean we have multiple words that we can substitute in for fuck (some of them even other four letter words), yet only one love. Anyway that article lists some words from other languages and translates them as best as they can. They are to do with relationships and feelings and whilst it is probably a little bit

Anyway where this is going is towards the things that are bigger than they seem. Four letter words, which encompass any  idea. Any definition really. Then to go on to a person, then people and the interactions of people. Eloquence is important and useful. Despite the sometimes difficulties one can have in communicating with an elaborated scope of language at ones disposal. Words are valuable and the depth and scope you can communicate with masterful hand with language is delighting.

(ok break time)
I'd just like it noted at this point that I have been trying to write this for two weeks. It has gone in two totally separate directions and neither went anywhere with any purpose. Things have been frustration are frustration just recently so incoming whiny blog next, you know if there is a point to writing it down :P
Talk soon!

Poets, Biology and Psychcology -- It's a Beautiful World

Halfway through year eleven was when poetry changed. Approximately mid 2005 that would be. It went from something meaningless a pointless object of study to something more. Eloquence is important eloquence adds something beautiful to otherwise purely functional language, language that would not make a whole lot of sense. The way writers would construct words and meanings from seemingly unrelated tangents and images. The imagining that goes into it was; is wonderful. The study of poetry, still nearly meaningless though. The power of imagination is truly astounding.

Current thoughts in regards to the workings of people propose the idea that our brains, which receive electrical signals, use that information to construct what we see, hear, smell, etc. That information has still gone from the 'real' world and been converted to digital. As with all ADC's (Analogue to Digital Converter) there is signal loss. Still our brains create this amazing world. This detailed, beautiful and amazing world that we are part of. We imagine this! How great is that. It is however altered by our perceptions of the information we receive. Analogies and personification lending meaning because of our understanding of non-literal ideas. A perception of a reality that we refuse to believe lending meaning to an eloquence seldom achieved by the layman.

The same applies to memories. Did you know our brains fill in gaps for information we don't have as long as they have evidence of an event. Sorry there is no reference but there was a study done of people who had been to Disney land five years after they had. At an interview at this time they were all shown a picture of themselves with Bugs Bunny. 80% of people claimed they remembered having the photo taken... But Bugs Bunny is a Warner Bros. character. It is important to remember this. Living in memories, living in the past is a dangerous place to be. But when I go outside, the Botanical garden are right there, this is a centre of learning full of potential, of hope, of youth and wisdom. This is a beautiful world. Poets are right to write of love and beauty and loss so we remember that the bad will come but this moment too will pass.