I think this is about the third time I've opened this up now and still don't really have anything new. They say there is nothing new under the sun but after a massive six months of this I'd be concerned if I was repeating myself without any changes, without any growth.
The thing is people still come and go from lives drifting in and out. People still disappoint and let you down, surprise you and if they're good build you up. Uni is a challenge which one should work harder at and I'm not as fit as I could be. Want to practice more of those instruments and continue to try new things and get back into those things I no longer have been able to make time for.
I have over the last six months always wanted to write about all those quotes and wisdom statements you see on the internet and Facebook. So many people comment on them and like them. Yet I've found often if I spend 30 seconds looking at it, the quote is a poor one. In fact it will generally be a hopelessly romanticized way to see the world. It does not work and can not work. We all subscribe to this wonderfulness and really its not wonderful, its despairing. That is not to say there are no good quotes, no good wisdom statements, no good observations on the human reality. On contra ire they're just not popular (on the whole).
I think one of the most touted pieces of advice is, 'be yourself'. I honestly have no idea what that means. Does it mean I should do what I think I should do, because that is what I'm already doing. Or does it mean I should do what I feel is right regardless of the rules and standards around me, but that is really dangerous. What if I believe in culling the stupid?! Now I'm not suggesting all advice and wisdom has to be universal. Just well thought out. Just because someone likes a sentiment doesn't mean it is a useful or helpful sentiment. Often it is just a reflection of a place we used to be in. An example of a connection to a past which no longer exists.
So next time you see a 30 great quotes web page or someone posts something on Facebook, look at them and wonder to yourself does it mean anything? does it help me now? In the end that's what you need it for and maybe it would be nice to reflect on how nice it would be if things could be that simple.
Showing posts with label Confusing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Confusing. Show all posts
Tuesday, 3 July 2012
Friday, 15 June 2012
This Could Get Messy -- God and Living
I'm really appreciating how young I am instead of feeling like an old bastard (damn you uni). I look at my life and I SO don't have anything together yet. The realisation came however that, that's fine, I'm young. Hell, I look around me and I can't recognise any other people my age who have it together. Not even those whom are married and have kids or are looking to get married and all of that. We all have our things. It is truly amazing. This isn't even a comparison issue either. It doesn't make any difference whether I'm more or less together than you, or him, or her, or them! I think that is my favourite bit. It just stops at, 'I don't have it all together yet'. I don't know if you ever do have it together or perhaps you get it together and lose it again. Honestly none of that matters. I'm fine with not being together now. Some people might say that is living in the moment.
I'm not really sure what living in the moment is. When someone says it I think I know what they are talking about however it is one of those things that so many talk about. People preach the virtues of living in the moment, yet it seems so few do it. Obviously not that great. Or so stupidly difficult that most people can never hope to achieve. I also wonder about the whole YOLO thing, You Only Live Once (or You Obviously Like Owls, thank you Jeph Jacques at Questionable Content). People use it as a justification to do some of the stupidest things. If anything it is a reason to live cautiously.
There are many schools of thought on this. Most of the monotheists believe in some sort of life after death and it will be good, as long as you believe what they tell you to believe. The others more of a reincarnation thing. I mean in each of these you really can do what you like cause they will let you either have another try or you go into the big vast void of paradise. If you are a true atheist however, or refute the concept of after life then you in essence have two options really. It's not really this simple but for ease of concept. You can either go, 'fuck this', eat fuck drink sleep do what you like as long as if fits within that personal code of ethics or live like this is all you ever got and it is your one chance to do something. Generally people slide between the two of those. True atheism the belief in nothing, in nothing but probability and chance scares me. I don't like Karma, people rarely get what they deserve and the monotheistic religions concern me in their exclusivity.
For your information I grew up in a christian household the eldest son of ministers. My folks however are a little unorthodox in their beliefs and that's about all I can tell you about what they believe. I however, am bitter and cynical about churches and the people involved with them. My problem mostly stems from the way they prioritise things according to if I serve church, I am therefore serving God. It is a dangerous way to be. This isn't a conscious thought either. I found that there should be a much greater emphasis on people. Don't go to church or something churchie at the expense of seeing a secular friend. Don't go to a weekly group because that is 'serving God', instead of your friends birthday (yes this did happen). That is where religion has made its greatest mistake I think. The concept that I must put God first and I find God at church or church things or that somehow it is easier to find God there. Particularly for Christianity. This secular idea of God where it is outside of you and your life, so you either do God or you do human, and with the traditional doctrine of original sin you are generally wanting to do things which god does not like, cause you are bad.
I really struggled with that and as such I reject too much. Babies and bathwater you know. Atheism scares the shit out of me and I think the translation and re translation of holy books has been so muddied that true meaning is lost. There are still some truly wonderful and beautiful things in them. The song of Soloman is a fantastic example of erotic literature. I struggle with these things and the champions of their causes. You may read that I like a balance a bit of left and right and I don't think this is any different. The other option is the justification for there being few true believers. Anyway that's a thought for another time this is already really long. I really hope I don't spark some great debate between people or insight too much unfair criticisms of my ideas. They are thoughts ever changing and moving from one moment to the next. I live across all of them and I pick the ones that suit me at the time. I'll talk to you guys soon.
James
Links: Twitter
And something that changed some of the styles of my thinking... God's Debris
P.S. I'm sorry I am not a better writer who is better able to convey and explain ideas which are probably exceptionally confusing.
I'm not really sure what living in the moment is. When someone says it I think I know what they are talking about however it is one of those things that so many talk about. People preach the virtues of living in the moment, yet it seems so few do it. Obviously not that great. Or so stupidly difficult that most people can never hope to achieve. I also wonder about the whole YOLO thing, You Only Live Once (or You Obviously Like Owls, thank you Jeph Jacques at Questionable Content). People use it as a justification to do some of the stupidest things. If anything it is a reason to live cautiously.
There are many schools of thought on this. Most of the monotheists believe in some sort of life after death and it will be good, as long as you believe what they tell you to believe. The others more of a reincarnation thing. I mean in each of these you really can do what you like cause they will let you either have another try or you go into the big vast void of paradise. If you are a true atheist however, or refute the concept of after life then you in essence have two options really. It's not really this simple but for ease of concept. You can either go, 'fuck this', eat fuck drink sleep do what you like as long as if fits within that personal code of ethics or live like this is all you ever got and it is your one chance to do something. Generally people slide between the two of those. True atheism the belief in nothing, in nothing but probability and chance scares me. I don't like Karma, people rarely get what they deserve and the monotheistic religions concern me in their exclusivity.
For your information I grew up in a christian household the eldest son of ministers. My folks however are a little unorthodox in their beliefs and that's about all I can tell you about what they believe. I however, am bitter and cynical about churches and the people involved with them. My problem mostly stems from the way they prioritise things according to if I serve church, I am therefore serving God. It is a dangerous way to be. This isn't a conscious thought either. I found that there should be a much greater emphasis on people. Don't go to church or something churchie at the expense of seeing a secular friend. Don't go to a weekly group because that is 'serving God', instead of your friends birthday (yes this did happen). That is where religion has made its greatest mistake I think. The concept that I must put God first and I find God at church or church things or that somehow it is easier to find God there. Particularly for Christianity. This secular idea of God where it is outside of you and your life, so you either do God or you do human, and with the traditional doctrine of original sin you are generally wanting to do things which god does not like, cause you are bad.
I really struggled with that and as such I reject too much. Babies and bathwater you know. Atheism scares the shit out of me and I think the translation and re translation of holy books has been so muddied that true meaning is lost. There are still some truly wonderful and beautiful things in them. The song of Soloman is a fantastic example of erotic literature. I struggle with these things and the champions of their causes. You may read that I like a balance a bit of left and right and I don't think this is any different. The other option is the justification for there being few true believers. Anyway that's a thought for another time this is already really long. I really hope I don't spark some great debate between people or insight too much unfair criticisms of my ideas. They are thoughts ever changing and moving from one moment to the next. I live across all of them and I pick the ones that suit me at the time. I'll talk to you guys soon.
James
Links: Twitter
And something that changed some of the styles of my thinking... God's Debris
P.S. I'm sorry I am not a better writer who is better able to convey and explain ideas which are probably exceptionally confusing.
Wednesday, 6 June 2012
Learning and Improving -- Compentence or Incompentence?
I'm not sure how we are supposed to take something things. Things happen and then how do we deal with them? What is the next step? What I find more concerning is, 'where I find the answer to that question?'
Do we look to the Internet? Well, maybe for some things but do you think the Internet is the best place for advice, dating advice or on dealing with that other obscure hypothetical situation that is really happening. Do we look at TV and movies? I sincerely hope people don't look at Hollywood but I would imagine it is a little truer than most of us would care to admit. However in favour of Hollywood it would certainly make life easier to know that one day your prince charming will come or the girl next door will turn out to fall in love with the slightly awkward, smart and you know the drill... Is there redeeming TV? I suppose books might have some answers but I don't think I've really seen lasting self help books. It all sounds well and good but only ever a small amount of it lasts, but you did a lot of reading for seemingly just a small fraction of a change. One sentence different from a book of hundreds of pages that is your life.
However maybe that is how it goes. Maybe it's not all about making changes now about altering my life's course, not dodging the ice burgs rather gently brushing... well maybe that's a bad example. Still small little adjustments one at a time. Does this work? When confronted by something can I kinda go, 'yeah', and stay basically the same just subtly changing; so much so it is hardly noticeable.
My point was mostly that I'm not sure how well this stuff works. I don't know if any of it works if some is better or much really. Where do we get this experience from? I rather like self analysis (in healthy form) however how do you know you're analysing right? This was all sparked by this article I read about whether someone who is truly incompetent can know they are in fact incompetent. It carries on saying how to self evaluate you need to be somewhat competent. So the again how could the incompetent know they are incompetent? In fact it is often shown that people who are incompetent thing they are most defiantly competent. So am I good at knowing how to change myself for the better? Am I a competent human being? Can be a better one? Or am I kidding myself?
I think I'm doing not too bad a job.
P.S. Article for your perusal, I thought it was interesting.
P.P.S. Twitter I'm still working on using it.
Do we look to the Internet? Well, maybe for some things but do you think the Internet is the best place for advice, dating advice or on dealing with that other obscure hypothetical situation that is really happening. Do we look at TV and movies? I sincerely hope people don't look at Hollywood but I would imagine it is a little truer than most of us would care to admit. However in favour of Hollywood it would certainly make life easier to know that one day your prince charming will come or the girl next door will turn out to fall in love with the slightly awkward, smart and you know the drill... Is there redeeming TV? I suppose books might have some answers but I don't think I've really seen lasting self help books. It all sounds well and good but only ever a small amount of it lasts, but you did a lot of reading for seemingly just a small fraction of a change. One sentence different from a book of hundreds of pages that is your life.
However maybe that is how it goes. Maybe it's not all about making changes now about altering my life's course, not dodging the ice burgs rather gently brushing... well maybe that's a bad example. Still small little adjustments one at a time. Does this work? When confronted by something can I kinda go, 'yeah', and stay basically the same just subtly changing; so much so it is hardly noticeable.
My point was mostly that I'm not sure how well this stuff works. I don't know if any of it works if some is better or much really. Where do we get this experience from? I rather like self analysis (in healthy form) however how do you know you're analysing right? This was all sparked by this article I read about whether someone who is truly incompetent can know they are in fact incompetent. It carries on saying how to self evaluate you need to be somewhat competent. So the again how could the incompetent know they are incompetent? In fact it is often shown that people who are incompetent thing they are most defiantly competent. So am I good at knowing how to change myself for the better? Am I a competent human being? Can be a better one? Or am I kidding myself?
I think I'm doing not too bad a job.
P.S. Article for your perusal, I thought it was interesting.
P.P.S. Twitter I'm still working on using it.
Tuesday, 29 May 2012
I think I saw a 2 -- Dreams
So I had a crazy and incredibly vivid dream this morning.... hmmm, on second thought this needs some reference point for you guys.
I used to not dream. I know they say you always dream but if you can't ever recall your dreams it makes no difference whether it happened or not, trees falling in forests and all that. Once I did start dreaming (or remembering) I became a bit of a lucid dreamer. Basically a a lucid dreamer is someone who has awareness and control of their dreams. I remember this one and I was not in control and I was not aware.
Honestly it scared me some.
I dreamt of a uni assignment. My group (which has truly been a nightmare for me (not the group but one person in it)), my tutor and my presentation. Now I became aware that it was a dream about 20 minutes after I woke myself up. Basically I failed and it wasn't my fault. I failed and I was pissed about it. There was yelling, a compelling argument, good reasoning and my tutor ran off being a douche.
This was all really vivid even now about 7 hours ago. I can recall clothing I was wearing, responses and all sorts. I mean the only things I have ever dreamt about this vividly I'm not going to share with you.
Now, I'm not one to see meaning where there is none. I trust my dreams are as far as I can control them. However maybe for once I care about something that isn't just a person. If I care as much as this suggests perhaps I should really try do it well. Still I'd rather not care too much, I don't like these dreams, hows any ones dream interpretation skills? Want to tell me its all meaningless drivel of an over active subconscious, that would make life easier.
Talk to you all soon.
I've been more active on my twitter recently. I either post funny things or stuff I found interesting. Gonna try keep it going though so if you're interested keep watch.
https://twitter.com/#!/Aejms
I used to not dream. I know they say you always dream but if you can't ever recall your dreams it makes no difference whether it happened or not, trees falling in forests and all that. Once I did start dreaming (or remembering) I became a bit of a lucid dreamer. Basically a a lucid dreamer is someone who has awareness and control of their dreams. I remember this one and I was not in control and I was not aware.
Honestly it scared me some.
I dreamt of a uni assignment. My group (which has truly been a nightmare for me (not the group but one person in it)), my tutor and my presentation. Now I became aware that it was a dream about 20 minutes after I woke myself up. Basically I failed and it wasn't my fault. I failed and I was pissed about it. There was yelling, a compelling argument, good reasoning and my tutor ran off being a douche.
This was all really vivid even now about 7 hours ago. I can recall clothing I was wearing, responses and all sorts. I mean the only things I have ever dreamt about this vividly I'm not going to share with you.
Now, I'm not one to see meaning where there is none. I trust my dreams are as far as I can control them. However maybe for once I care about something that isn't just a person. If I care as much as this suggests perhaps I should really try do it well. Still I'd rather not care too much, I don't like these dreams, hows any ones dream interpretation skills? Want to tell me its all meaningless drivel of an over active subconscious, that would make life easier.
Talk to you all soon.
I've been more active on my twitter recently. I either post funny things or stuff I found interesting. Gonna try keep it going though so if you're interested keep watch.
https://twitter.com/#!/Aejms
Monday, 14 May 2012
Not Neccesarily in that Order -- Mistakes and Friends
I hate making mistakes. I think though that I have an amazing ability to make them. I can't for the life of me seem to be able to make the right choices. Perhaps I am being overly critical and almost certainly a hard task master. Irregardless of this I want to make the right decisions. I want things to go well. In what I do, what I think, who I talk to. I can't for the life of me seem to be able to do it.
I can't help but suggest there be flaws in peoples logic and reasoning when they present ideas to me. I don't really want to be like this anymore. I hate making mistakes with people with things and I want to do better. I suppose direction would help, but equally I thought I had some direction. Maybe I don't believe enough in this direction? I certainly feel a little directionless. Or at least all the directions I wanted to go in yesterday are some how wrong today. Someone once they told me that if I was removed from the people around me I would not survive. I don't think this is true but I certainly like having people around me. There are no illusions about being a social creature.
I spoke of sacrifice with another friend of mine. We talked of the willingness to give of our selves and resources for our mates and friends. I remarked that many people are not willing to make those sacrifice that on the most part many like their friends on their terms. We decided this was a shame, but there is nothing wrong with this. I wonder if this is the same for boyfriends or girlfriends (whichever is your fancy). We are often very happy to sacrifice things we care little for but anything important to the individual quickly outstrips the needs of someones friends. This surely is not the case universally but I bet it is damn hard to pick which one is which till it happens.
I hope I'm the right kind if there is one, I hope I make the right choices, and I hope tomorrow I make fewer mistakes.
I can't help but suggest there be flaws in peoples logic and reasoning when they present ideas to me. I don't really want to be like this anymore. I hate making mistakes with people with things and I want to do better. I suppose direction would help, but equally I thought I had some direction. Maybe I don't believe enough in this direction? I certainly feel a little directionless. Or at least all the directions I wanted to go in yesterday are some how wrong today. Someone once they told me that if I was removed from the people around me I would not survive. I don't think this is true but I certainly like having people around me. There are no illusions about being a social creature.
I spoke of sacrifice with another friend of mine. We talked of the willingness to give of our selves and resources for our mates and friends. I remarked that many people are not willing to make those sacrifice that on the most part many like their friends on their terms. We decided this was a shame, but there is nothing wrong with this. I wonder if this is the same for boyfriends or girlfriends (whichever is your fancy). We are often very happy to sacrifice things we care little for but anything important to the individual quickly outstrips the needs of someones friends. This surely is not the case universally but I bet it is damn hard to pick which one is which till it happens.
I hope I'm the right kind if there is one, I hope I make the right choices, and I hope tomorrow I make fewer mistakes.
Sunday, 25 March 2012
I know that I don't know -- Knowing
You pay your money, you take your chance. Name of an album by a guy called Bruce Cockburn (co-burn for those snickering). It is not really an overly impacting album, (I do like it howeIver) but more what that title says.
I've picked up a few different statements, seemingly wise ones, that I like to tout or reflect on. This is one is about making your choice and living with it, basically. Another I like is, 'don't ask permission ask for forgiveness'. It is something that could end up getting one in a fair bit of trouble. So take that with a pinch of salt.
See I've had these 'things' recently and you know I'm just not very sure anymore. Not when I'm honest. Don't get me wrong speak to me and I think I have the right of everything but really at heart I don't know and know I don't... know, you knoe? I'm OK with this. I understand that most of the things I do is guess work and I'm wondering if I could settle and survive without making those assumptions, guesses and judgements. I mean anything that is yet to happen, that is this afternoon, tomorrow, next week. I don't know about them. I can tell you now that I will go to work and uni but I don't know this. The same with the past.
One of the problems with talking to people is that it is rare to have true understanding. One thinks they know, hell you assume and truly believe you know what is going on, what it is they're communicating. Particularly as a man someone says they're fine, I believe they are fine. Yet they may not be. I sometimes muse on the things running through my head and I'm pretty sure some of those are sending me to hell. I'm glad I don't communicate them. Could you imagine if people could see into your mind? Might be a bit of fun and a whole lot of trouble!
We live in a world with degrees of sureties. We make the best of the very limited information of others. I mean I am surprised witgh myself sometimes and I've been with me for twenty two years now; how the hell am I going to know some else... ever? I've been damn close to a couple of people and still there is surprise sometimes. It is nice to be wrong about people sometimes. It is fun not knowing sometimes. When I was younger I hated not knowing things. I've grown a bit since then and have resolved myself to the fact that there is no way of really knowing anything and so I let go of it. It's better this way. I can have some more fun.
Cheers guys.
More this week.
I've picked up a few different statements, seemingly wise ones, that I like to tout or reflect on. This is one is about making your choice and living with it, basically. Another I like is, 'don't ask permission ask for forgiveness'. It is something that could end up getting one in a fair bit of trouble. So take that with a pinch of salt.
See I've had these 'things' recently and you know I'm just not very sure anymore. Not when I'm honest. Don't get me wrong speak to me and I think I have the right of everything but really at heart I don't know and know I don't... know, you knoe? I'm OK with this. I understand that most of the things I do is guess work and I'm wondering if I could settle and survive without making those assumptions, guesses and judgements. I mean anything that is yet to happen, that is this afternoon, tomorrow, next week. I don't know about them. I can tell you now that I will go to work and uni but I don't know this. The same with the past.
One of the problems with talking to people is that it is rare to have true understanding. One thinks they know, hell you assume and truly believe you know what is going on, what it is they're communicating. Particularly as a man someone says they're fine, I believe they are fine. Yet they may not be. I sometimes muse on the things running through my head and I'm pretty sure some of those are sending me to hell. I'm glad I don't communicate them. Could you imagine if people could see into your mind? Might be a bit of fun and a whole lot of trouble!
We live in a world with degrees of sureties. We make the best of the very limited information of others. I mean I am surprised witgh myself sometimes and I've been with me for twenty two years now; how the hell am I going to know some else... ever? I've been damn close to a couple of people and still there is surprise sometimes. It is nice to be wrong about people sometimes. It is fun not knowing sometimes. When I was younger I hated not knowing things. I've grown a bit since then and have resolved myself to the fact that there is no way of really knowing anything and so I let go of it. It's better this way. I can have some more fun.
Cheers guys.
More this week.
Thursday, 1 March 2012
The World Is Not Enough -- Still Circles
So I did it. More than once even. I told this person I thought they were really pretty. They thanked me and the world kept spinning. It was all very anti-climatic. Then I did it again. Although it was a lead singer of a moderately successful band. She really did have a beautiful smile though. I mean it was nice to say these things but as it turns out doesn't do anything for me. I have a suspicion it may just make me look a little weird. Who knew? I don't think I'll stop though, it costs nothing and I'm sure it will make someone happy. I mean my taste isn't exactly what one might expect anyway.
This is all well and good but I'm pretty sure like all things one cannot just going around telling people everything. Right? I mean, sure as hell not telling people I miss them or actually want anything from them. Especially when I don't think it would change anything. Is that because it's kinder on me or kinder to them? Quite probably a bit of both.
Anyway all these thoughts have been incredibly frustrating. Despite everything I do just can't quite be distracted enough. Pretty sure this frustration and aggression is coming out in ways it shouldn't. I do wonder if other people get like this? Music helps though, playing and listening. I'm having the most fun when dancing and before long I should be totally absorbed in uni work. God knows it's been long enough since I've done most of this stuff.
Still I'm keeping really busy. It is good but apparently I'm not busy enough and I know there are other things I need to be doing. Till next time.
Cheers Japetto.
P.S. Summerized:
There are pretty people
I tell them they are pretty
Nothinging happens
I miss them
I wish I didn't
This is anoying
This is how I cope with it
Look at this distraction
Its not working as well as I would have liked
End.
This is all well and good but I'm pretty sure like all things one cannot just going around telling people everything. Right? I mean, sure as hell not telling people I miss them or actually want anything from them. Especially when I don't think it would change anything. Is that because it's kinder on me or kinder to them? Quite probably a bit of both.
Anyway all these thoughts have been incredibly frustrating. Despite everything I do just can't quite be distracted enough. Pretty sure this frustration and aggression is coming out in ways it shouldn't. I do wonder if other people get like this? Music helps though, playing and listening. I'm having the most fun when dancing and before long I should be totally absorbed in uni work. God knows it's been long enough since I've done most of this stuff.
Still I'm keeping really busy. It is good but apparently I'm not busy enough and I know there are other things I need to be doing. Till next time.
Cheers Japetto.
P.S. Summerized:
There are pretty people
I tell them they are pretty
Nothinging happens
I miss them
I wish I didn't
This is anoying
This is how I cope with it
Look at this distraction
Its not working as well as I would have liked
End.
Monday, 20 February 2012
Waking dreams -- Picking up my Jaw
I had a different idea (or six) to present to you but have decided to put that on hold for a while.
I have in fact been thinking about other things the last few days. Particularly a bit of cowardice and a lot of, "wow, she's cute/pretty/beautiful" or any combination of the three. The problem I have is I didn't say that to anyone. With one notable exception.
I would have liked to have said that. I would have liked to have said, "Hey, look dont take this the worng way or anything but I think you are very pretty/beautiful". With no other motive than I thought it and maybe they might like to hear it. I got close with one but ended up stammering some stupid excuse for lingering eye contact making a silly joke cause I triped on a chair at the coffee shop. Sounds like a movie I know, was expecting any moment to have the director call cut and have a glass of water with Jennifer Anniston or something.
Intellectually I have nothing to lose and honestly I'm not really trying to gain anything. Yet I couldn't just speak these words. What was the problem? They are only words after all. I don't overly care how they are received either.
Oh well. I could probably arrange to see if I'm not forced to see each of them again. Perhaps I'll do it next time. Still nothing to lose...
I have in fact been thinking about other things the last few days. Particularly a bit of cowardice and a lot of, "wow, she's cute/pretty/beautiful" or any combination of the three. The problem I have is I didn't say that to anyone. With one notable exception.
I would have liked to have said that. I would have liked to have said, "Hey, look dont take this the worng way or anything but I think you are very pretty/beautiful". With no other motive than I thought it and maybe they might like to hear it. I got close with one but ended up stammering some stupid excuse for lingering eye contact making a silly joke cause I triped on a chair at the coffee shop. Sounds like a movie I know, was expecting any moment to have the director call cut and have a glass of water with Jennifer Anniston or something.
Intellectually I have nothing to lose and honestly I'm not really trying to gain anything. Yet I couldn't just speak these words. What was the problem? They are only words after all. I don't overly care how they are received either.
Oh well. I could probably arrange to see if I'm not forced to see each of them again. Perhaps I'll do it next time. Still nothing to lose...
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